The Shenanigans Of Bard And Ezreal
by ZzCatBurritozZ
Summary: In this glorious excerpt of Bard's life, he makes new friends at the Institution of the League of Legends, including the Prodigal Explorer Ezreal. But something goes terribly wrong. Will Bard-sama be able to save his new friends from impending doom? Requested by a close friend of mine. May he continue to meme his way into the hearts of many.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One – The League of Legends

Life for Bard was simple, yet incredibly complex. After retrieving the Ionian artifact from the Floating villages, he had not felt the need to intervene in any other mortal affair. But that did not mean that mortal affairs did not affect him.

Lately, a strange, pulsing light would emanate around him, wrapping him entirely in a golden explosion of light. He was used to traveling through the universe, but never in such a peculiar fashion.

Standing before him were four… well, not exactly all human creatures. Two of them were, a blond, scrawny boy with a strange gauntlet and red triangles under his eyes. The other wore a red scarf around his face, and moved with unnatural grace. A large fish-like creature with a sharp trident was putting gold coins on the shopkeeper's table, and a raccoon with a green hat was sprinting away from the large platform they were standing on.

The blond boy extended his hand. "Hey, I'm Ezreal. Looks like you're laning with me today."

Bard looked at the boy. His hair was ruffled and on his face was a charming smile that made him appear more boyish with every second. He grabbed a sharp looking sword and arcane shifted down lane.

Bard walked up to the shopkeeper. The shopkeeper lifted his head from underneath the table and frowned slightly. "I have wares, if you have the coin," he said, continuing to rummage underneath the table. Bard chimed lightly and pointed toward some objects. He found some coins stuffed in his pocket, and laid them gently on the table. "Good luck!" the shopkeeper yelled, after Bard had set off.

By the time he caught up with the blond boy, Ezreal, Bard was thoroughly confused. He gathered some chimes on the way, and was reunited with some of his meeps. They chimed happily.

"I've never seen you before," Ezreal said, tilting his head. "I hope you're cut out for these games. I'm a natural at it, so just watch me! It's all skill."

Bard watched Ezreal proceed to attack the small monsters coming toward him. It wasn't really making much sense, but he figured it would later on. He spotted two more people coming toward them and chimed, waving.

"Oh, no, they're not our friends. They're going to try and kill us."

The game went on. Bard learned he could stun his enemies and give Ezreal the opportunity to take them down. Occasionally he wandered through the jungle, collecting his chimes. He found it comforting in this strange environment.

After about forty minutes or so, Bard noticed the same giant crystal at the end of the lane that had been near the platform he started out on. Ezreal pointed to it, grinning. "We're gonna take that thing out. Then the game's over."

Suddenly, the blind man leaped over the wall and ran for the crystal. Bard watched, intrigued. The enemy team was scrambling to get back in time.

The enemy nexus exploded in a brilliant shatter of light. It had been a long, tiresome game, and Bard was starting to feel the physical strains on his body. He looked to his other teammates: Ezreal, the fish, the raccoon, and the blind man. They were celebrating with high fives (with the exception of the blind man) and were laughing. Suddenly, in another flash of golden light, Bard found himself where he had first been, drifting through the tides of the universe.

This occurrence was starting to become more and more frequent. At first, it was exciting to him, as he was able to show off his skills and meet new, interesting people. But Bard quickly became bored with the pointlessness of it, and the confines of the game itself. He wanted to portal to the other side of the map entirely, and use the various celestial artifacts he had in his possession. In order to do that, he had to make this fact known with the person in charge of the game itself. He had to go to the place where this person was. The Institution of the League of Legends.

* * *

The gates of the Institution were wide open. No one was present to stop him, so Bard walked inside, strolling casually. As he walked along the grounds, he spotted some people lounging on the grass outside, chatting carelessly. A large building loomed overhead, with four floors and extending further back than Bard could see.

A man with a flowing, purple robe greeted Bard at the entrance of the building. "Welcome, Bard. We've been expecting you here at the Institute. Please, come inside."

The inside of the building was even fancier than the outside. A large staircase extended upwards, and marble columns held up the precariously high ceiling.

"You're probably wondering as to why you've been summoned to the League so often. You see, that last artifact you picked up was actually linked to the League of Legends in more ways than one. As long as you hold it in your possession, we have the right to summon you and have you participate in our battles."

Bard chimed noisily. He did not like the fact that the man with the purple robe was smiling at him, nor the fact that his rights as a celestial being were being infringed upon. Nevertheless, he continued to listen to what the man had to say.

"Apologies, I haven't introduced myself. My name is Gordon. I am in charge of the Institute. Feel free to stay in our lodgings and make acquaintances with the other champions. I'm sure they would be delighted to meet you." He gestured down the hallway, and Bard had no choice but to follow.

As they walked down the hallway, Bard spotted some familiar faces from the Rift through the open doors. A woman with long, red hair and sharp knives was combing the hair of a woman with blond hair and a radiant smile. They seemed to be chatting about the other champions, in particular, the male ones.

"Here we are. You can stay here, in the Support Quarters. They're the nicest people in the Institute." Gordon knocked on the door sharply three times, and a woman with white hair and hooves greeted them happily.

"Hi! I'm Soraka! Nice to meet you! You must be Bard!" Bard answered with a few low chimes. "Come in! I'm sure the other supports would be delighted to finally meet you. We've heard so much about you!"

Gordon turned to Bard and bowed. "It seems you are in the care of Soraka now, so I shall take my leave." He promptly walked off and started muttering to himself about the problems he was having with the other champions.

The other supports were busy with their own things as Soraka and Bard entered the room. A small girl with purple hair and light purple skin was playing with a small fairy, and a large man with blue armor was polishing some gems. They lifted their heads and smiled when they entered.

"Hello. I am Taric, the gem knight. And this is Lulu, the fae sorceress."

"Hello! I love your pets! Can I hold them?!" Lulu exclaimed, jumping off the ground. Bard chimed kindly and let one of his meeps crawl onto the girl's hand. She giggled and stroked it softly. "Hahaha! It tickles!"

Soraka put a hand on her shoulder. "Lulu. Please. Let's show Bard where he's going to stay, shall we?"

The supports led Bard down another hallway. This was the Support Quarters, one of the various wings of the Institute. Bard spotted other unfamiliar faces on the way. Lulu shouted their names as they passed by.

"That's Nami! She's really nice but she always smells of coconut. Oh and that's Janna! She can be a bit cold at times but she's really fun to play Frisbee with! Oh and over there is Thresh. He's a bit scary but his ghost stories are the best when we have campfires! And that's-"

Soraka laughed softly. "Enough, Lulu. We're here!" She pushed open a wooden door to reveal a small room with two beds and a bathroom to the side. "It's not very large but it is comfortable. I hope it will fit your needs, as it was actually designed for humans. If you find yourself getting bored, the Institute has a great library with tons of information! You should check it out sometime." Bard chimed in response.

After the others had left, Bard laid his instrument on the bed and checked out his new room. He hadn't planned on staying here in the Institute, but it wasn't too bad. The people were nice, and he had a comfortable home. He expected to leave soon though. A wanderer could never stay in one place for long.

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. He opened the door to find Ezreal standing before him.

"Hey Bard! What's up? I heard you were here so I thought I'd stop by and say hi." Bard chimed enthusiastically and hugged him. There had been more than a few times Ezreal had saved his life out on the Rift. "Haha. Nice to see you too, big guy. Hey, I was just about to head down to the cafeteria for dinner. Care to join me?" Bard chimed affirmatively.

The cafeteria was filled to the brim with characters of all kinds. Bard spotted the huntress woman with the crossblades that had killed him more times than he'd like to remember. He gave her lots of space when she walked by him.

"Hmm. Tacos again? Would it kill these people to serve some pizza once in a while?" Ezreal asked, throwing his hands up in the air.

A hand appeared on Ezreal's shoulder. He jumped and cried out, clearly spooked. The blond woman from earlier was standing beside him, laughing and clutching her stomach.

"Hahaha! Oh Ezreal. Would you stop being so jumpy? We're just eating dinner, that's all."

Ezreal blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Haha… Hey Lux. What's up?" He looked at her sheepishly. She stared back, until Ezreal realized she was expecting something from him.

Beads of sweat rolled down his forehead. _Umm, think Ezreal, think. What could it possibly… Oh crap! It's her birthday! I toootally forgot!_ "Hey, Lux! I forgot something in my dorm room and I gotta go grab it. Be right back!"

Ezreal grabbed Bard's hand and made a dash for the door. Lux stared after him, squinting her eyes and thinking. There was no way he had possibly forgotten her birthday…

* * *

"Yo, Bard, you gotta help me. What do girls like? If I were Lux, what would I want for my birthday? Ahhh… I can't think properly."

Bard chimed noisily, laughing. Ezreal was in quite the pickle. However, he didn't have the answer to Ezreal's question. His only knowledge rested in the artifacts he held in his possession. He pulled out a small blue stone that glowed softly and held it before Ezreal.

"Hmm? No, I couldn't take that from you. Hold on, what is that? I've never seen an artifact like that before." Bard pointed at the stone again, chiming eagerly.

"That's it! Bard, you're a genius! I'm an explorer. And what does an explorer do? Explore and find artifacts! I'll give her a special artifact that means a lot to me, so it should mean a lot to her as well. I've got to have something in my lab. Come on!"

Ezreal led Bard to the outskirts of the Institute grounds. A small shed was wedged in-between two large evergreen trees. Ezreal threw open the door, revealing steps going downward.

"This lab was originally built by my mentor, Heimerdinger. He's a mad genius. You can probably find him in the library if he's not down here, which he is most of the time."

The lab was surprisingly large for being underground. Random pieces of tech littered the floor, but in a slightly identifiable fashion. A small man with a large yellow hair and a white lab coat was scribbling something on a piece of paper.

"Hey Heimy! What's up? Mind if I browse the artifact collection?" Heimerdinger grunted in response, clearly not listening. "Good ol' Heimy. He cracks me up. Come on! Lemme show you the collection."

Artifacts and more artifacts lined endless rows of shelves. Bard couldn't make out what most of the objects were, but recognized some of them. He spotted an important celestial artifact and chimed angrily. These humans weren't supposed to be in possession of something so powerful.

Bard held the artifact under Ezreal's nose, chiming urgently. "Oh, that? Don't worry, I know perfectly well what it is. The truth is, we were about to ship it off to a museum located back in my hometown, Piltover. Artifacts are really safe in museums. Don't worry, nobody would use it to harm others. Also, I removed its power source, see?" He rummaged through some boxes and held up a strange object that resembled a small jellyfish out of water. "After I removed it, it transformed into this. I doubt the artifact will ever function anymore.

Bard was impressed. This boy knew things about the artifacts that not even he knew. He chimed in approval, putting his mind at ease knowing such an accomplished explorer was handling artifacts appropriately.

The object zapped Ezreal, and he dropped it, screaming in a high pitched voice. Bard slapped his forehead. Maybe he wasn't as competent as he looked.

Ezreal led him far down the collection room, coming to a stop at a small wooden box.

"Oh boy, this is it. I can feel it." He opened the box to reveal a silver necklace with a large sapphire dangling from its center. "I found it in an old Noxian temple." Ezreal breathed in awe. "I'm sure this'll make her happy."

* * *

"Another necklace? Really Ezreal? This is the fourth necklace you've given me!" Ezreal looked down in shame. Not only had he forgotten her birthday, he had forgotten the gifts he had given her previously.

"Another freakin' necklace. And I love it. Thank you so much Ez!" Lux hugged Ezreal tightly, squeezing the air out of him. Bard looked at Ezreal, confused. He shrugged in response. Human emotions were something different to Bard. He didn't quite understand them very well. Especially those of girls. Neither, it appeared, did Ezreal.

Bard wondered if he would ever feel the human emotion they labeled "love." He doubted it. Still, there was a chance it was possible. If it was possible anywhere, it was at the Institution. But first thing was first.

The door to Gordon's room was slightly ajar. Bard pushed it open slowly, then entered the room when he was sure he wouldn't disturb him. Gordon was leaning on top of his desk, scratching his head. His desk was piled with papers and folders, and a couple other summoners were trying to organize it all, in vain. Gordon lifted his head and was met with the stoic face of Bard.

"Hello Bard. Is there something you need? How are you liking the Institute?"

Nothing. Bard neither moved nor made a sound. The intimidation factor was starting to creep in. "Is the Support Quarters to your liking?" Nervousness crept into his voice. "I can arrange for you to sleep elsewhere if you'd like. The AD Carry Quarters is a bit different but I think you'd like-"

Gordon's rant was interrupted by a loud, reverberating chime. Bard held up the same blue stone from earlier, one of his celestial artifacts.

"A blue stone? Oh, that must be one of your celestial artifacts. You're probably wondering as to why you can't use all of your artifacts out on the Rift." Bard chimed affirmatively in response. "Ah. I understand."

"The game, as we would have it, has its own confines and bounds. It's not actually as pointless as you might think. Here at the League of Legends, our job is to keep the peace. In order to do that, we hold our games, where champions from all the different factions of Runeterra can face off. Summoners control the champions, and the winners are recognized throughout the land. However, the game must be balanced. What you see out on the Rift is only a fraction of the skills these champions have. As is the case with yourself. We can't have you being too powerful, as the other champions wouldn't be able to keep up. At the same time, their skills are restricted so that you can face them on an even level. Does that make sense?"

It was a strange way of keeping the peace to Bard. But it did make sense. He couldn't argue with the impenetrable logic, so he simply slipped the stone back in his pocket and strolled away, chiming in farewell.

Back in the Support Quarters, the supports were getting ready to sleep. Taric put the last polished stone back in its place in his gem case. Nami settled down in her pond, nuzzling against the warm, fuzzy seaweed. Janna fluffed her pillow for the last time, and laid down with a sigh.

Bard pushed open his door, suddenly aware of the fatigue plaguing his limbs. Standing before him in his room was Soraka. She saw him enter and blushed.

"Oh! Bard! I was uh… fixing up some things in your room." It was true. Both the beds were made with new covers, and the room was now filled with decorations, mostly star posters. However, these stars seemed real, and filled the room with a soft glow.

Bard drifted over to one of the posters. He spotted Soraka's signature in the bottom right hand. He peered into it, losing himself in the starlit sky. Soraka coughed softly.

Bard turned around, chiming softly. He was feeling great, better than since he first got here. Soraka was wearing a traditional healer outfit, a white, loose shirt and a beige dress. She looked up at Bard's face, full of wonder.

"You know Bard… I was a celestial being too once. Let's just say some things happened, and I chose to live the life I do now, as a mortal. Sometimes I miss it. But other times, I'm glad I'm able to live with my friends in peace."

Bard let out a few low chimes. Soraka interested him greatly. Previous contact with the other celestial beings was usually short and boring. He never felt the need for companionship, not since he had the company of his meeps. But suddenly, Bard felt a sense of longing lodged deep within him. He needed someone to be there for him, and share his troubles.

Soraka approached Bard slowly. She could tell he was sad. Resting a hand on his mask, she gazed into his eyes. He lifted his eyes and met hers. It seemed the entire galaxy rested within them. He found himself losing himself, slipping. Soraka's breathing became more and more ragged. She wasn't usually this prone to human emotions. They came flooding into her: love, compassion, desire. Her white shirt suddenly felt tighter, and she gasped softly.

"I… I should probably go." She stood up straight, smiling. She couldn't force Bard to do anything, not now, not after he had just arrived. Bard understood. It was a foreign concept to him as well, love. Instead, he hugged her tightly, and she left as abruptly as she arrived. Bard sighed. He didn't know he could sigh, only chime. When he did chime, it was drawn out and forlorn. He was going to get closer to Soraka. He could feel it.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two – The First Day

Bard woke as he usually did. Waking up was a process to him. Sounds registered first, then smell, then finally sight. He heard some footsteps around the Support Quarter s, then smelled breakfast wafting in. He finally opened his eyes to a few champions standing above him. Namely, Soraka, Lulu, and Taric. The gem knight was holding a messy looking purple cake, and they were wearing party hats.

"Yaaay! He's awake!" Lulu yelled. Taric smiled and cleared his throat. "Welcome to your first real day here at the Institute. We baked you a cake in celebration, although I think Lulu messed with it. You may polymorph when eating it. I would be careful." He laughed in a deep, booming voice.

Soraka helped Bard up. She was wearing a party hat, but it was on its side, and was slipping off her head. Bard straightened it, then chimed a couple times. Maybe the Institute wasn't so bad after all.

"Let's eat some cake! I love cake! I baked this cake myself! Well, me and Soraka and Taric. But mostly me! Come on! What are we waiting for!?" Lulu was practically bouncing off the walls.

Soraka laughed gently. "Let's have Bard have the first slice." He slid the cake down one of the holes in his mask, and promptly turned into a squirrel. Lulu burst out laughing and started rolling on the floor laughing. Taric looked at her sternly. After returning to normal, Bard chimed indignantly, then laughed softly. He probably should have expected it from Lulu.

A knock at the door interrupted them. Bard opened it to find Ezreal standing before him with his own party gear. "Hey guys! Am I late? I'm sorry, Lux was keeping me up pretty late last night…" Silence. Ezreal laughed nervously. "But uh… cake! Let's have at it." Ezreal scooped up a slice and shoved it down his throat. Soraka bit her lower lip in anticipation. He promptly turned into a raccoon.

"Hahahaha! I didn't even know you could turn into anything else!" Lulu screamed. Bard laughed loudly, filling the room with his chimes. He was going to enjoy his new home.

Taric picked up Ezreal, only to have him return to normal in his arms. "Ezreal. Let's head down to the cafeteria, shall we?" The group nodded in response.

Bard's stomach was still empty, since he hadn't eaten much cake. He suddenly noticed the relations between lots of the League champions. Leblanc and Twisted Fate seemed close. Too close. Someone should tell them not to do that kind of stuff in public. Lux swooped in and took Ezreal by the arm. He looked pretty nervous. He was getting some looks from Jarvan IV.

The cafeteria chef was a large man with orange hair. He had a booming voice and large muscles. "Hello. I am Gragas. You look like a man who can hold his drink. You must be Bard, yes? I have heard of you. We will drink sometime." Bard chimed in response. "For now, you eat. What would you like? We have eggs, sausage, bacon, French toast, very good." Bard grabbed a plate and headed over to Ezreal.

Ezreal pointed to the scrambled eggs with his fork. Talking with his mouth full, he told Bard to be careful, as they weren't fully cooked. Bard had never gotten sick before, so he didn't particularly care. But to please his friend, he put them to the side. Some bacon dripped out Ezreal's mouth, and Lux wiped it with a napkin. Ezreal laughed sheepishly, thanking Lux for the napkin.

To Bard's surprise, Soraka sat down beside him. She was eating yogurt and fruit. He noticed the apparent lack of meat on her plate. She seemed to notice him notice it.

"I don't eat meat." She smiled. "I like to think I'm helping the animals through not eating their bodies." Bard laughed. Lux looked over to Soraka. She seemed happier than usual, though she couldn't tell why.

"So Soraka! How are things? You seem pretty light today!" Lux loved referencing light related things. Soraka looked up from her yogurt, blushing slightly. "Thanks Lux, I just feel like today is going to be a good one."

One of Bard's meeps was crawling on the table, sniffing Ezreal's food. Ezreal picked it up, berating it. "This is my food! Stay away!" He placed it on Bard's shoulder, and it promptly crawled back down and towards Soraka's food.

Lux leaned on her elbow. "So Soraka, if you're not doing anything, might I suggest we go shopping? A girl needs to stay in style you know." Soraka rubbed her cheek. "Well uh, actually, I was thinking of showing Bard around the Institute. He hasn't even seen half of it."

Lux sighed in resignation. "All right. Guess I'll just have to take someone else with me." Her eyes drifted to Ezreal. His eyes widened in shock. "Oh no. No way. I hate shopping. Please, no more!" He arcane shifted away three times, and was out of sight.

"Wow. Talk about shop-o-phobia." Bard didn't really understand. He guessed he would at some point. "Oh well. I'll find Garen. He'll make Ezreal go. I'm sure of it." Lux's eyes sparkled with malice.

Soraka turned to Bard. "So… yeah. We can go once I finish my yogurt." She ate politely. Lux stared at her. There were only two possible explanations for why Soraka was acting up. One would be the cake that Lulu baked. The other…

Soraka stood up suddenly. "So! Let's head out, shall we?" She grabbed Bard by the arm and pulled him away. He chimed in confusion.

Garen sat down next to Lux. His armor was heavy, and made movement difficult for him. After taking some time settling in, he finally started eating. His sister wasn't touching her food anymore. He pointed to it with his fork. "Are you gonna eat that?" She wasn't listening. "Okay, more for me then." He scooped up the food and poured it on his plate.

Lux snapped out of it. "Hey! That's my food! You big meanie." Garen laughed.

"Oh, Garen, I was going to ask you a favor." He turned his head slowly, the top of his armor covering half his face. "Ezreal said he didn't want to go shopping with me. I think he might be cheating on me."

Garen jumped out of his seat. "That son of a-" Falling out of his chair, he scrambled to his feet and lumbered off. Lux laughed. It was all going according to plan. But about Soraka…

* * *

It was getting late. The sun had already set, and most of the champions were finding their way back to their rooms. Bard was exhausted from walking around the Institute. He hadn't realized it was so big.

Soraka and Bard came to a stop in front of his door. Bard chimed, then slowly pushed it open, but Soraka put a hand on his arm, stopping him.

"Hey… Bard. There's been something I've been meaning to tell you." She put her hands together, twiddling her thumbs.

Soraka was wearing a dark blue dress, and her hooves poked out from underneath. Bard only noticed now that Soraka had put her hair up, but a few strands escaped and hung loosely in front of her eyes. He smoothly ran a finger over her forehead, brushing the strands behind her ear.

Soraka blushed. "I've never uh… I've never met anyone quite like you. There's something about you that I just… Oh man, this sounds so silly. I'm sorry. I'll just go now-"

Bard pulled Soraka in and hugged her softly. He was glad someone like her was there to welcome him into the Institute, and she had made the rough transition in his life that much easier. Soraka clung to him, running her hands down his back. Sweat lightly clung to her.

A low chuckling penetrated the silence. "Well now. What do we have here."

Bard and Soraka pulled away rapidly to find Lux staring at them from a distance, her silhouette sharply outlined by the soft glow of the lights. Soraka coughed.

"Lux, it's not- It's not what it looks like."

Lux grinned. "Sure it's not. But I wonder how people would react if I told them one of our best healers is getting it on with the new recruit." She raised her eyebrows playfully.

Soraka's face paled. "You wouldn't dare-"

"Oh I would. You don't know what I'm capable of. There's just one thing I'd like to ask of you."

Soraka clenched her teeth. "And that would be…?"

Lux sauntered over to Soraka, running her fingers over her shoulder. "Lately it seems like Ezreal has been a bit… distracted. A certain someone isn't letting me get as close to him as I'd like to be. You're going to help me."

Soraka gasped. "Help you? What can I do?"

Lux laughed in response. "All in due time…" She disappeared into the shadows, leaving no trace behind. The ensuing silence was eerie.

Bard looked down at Soraka. She was trembling. "Sorry Bard, I just… I need to be alone right now."

He put a hand on her shoulder, and looked her in the eye. Her eyes were vast and sparkling, but on the verge of tears. She put her hand on his. "Thank you Bard. Good night." She walked away, her dress trailing behind her.

Bard entered his room, thoroughly puzzled. Things at the Institute were complex, not at all like his old life. A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts.

He opened the door to find a young explorer standing before him, carrying a large backpack and some scrolls. Ezreal looked up at the celestial being, a huge grin on his face. "Hey Bard! Guess what? I talked with Gordon, and he let me stay here with you! I'm your new roommate!"

Bard couldn't help but laugh. Lux was trying her hardest to get closer to the one person he was now rooming with. Ezreal dropped his stuff on the floor, and it fell with a thud. Kicking his backpack under his bed, he jumped on top of the covers and stretched out.

"Ahhh, these beds are so nice! The ones in the ADC Quarter are too firm. This is the life." A few moments later, the explorer was sound asleep.

Bard walked over to his own bed, and tried to make himself comfortable. The snoring was starting to get annoying. He guessed he would get used to it, like everything else in this weird place.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three – The Second Day

Bard woke with a start. He forgot where he was, and what he was doing. Rolling over to his side, he was met with the sight of Ezreal drooling all over his pillow, clutching his blankets to his face.

"Mmmm… Please, not like this… Ohhh… Oh that feels good…" Ezreal murmured.

Bard slowly sat up. After checking to make sure all his things were in order, he walked over to Ezreal's bed and inspected his face. He looked like he was having a good dream. Upon further inspection, Ezreal's moans were not those of pain.

"Yeah that's it… Don't stop. Ohh right there. Wait, hold up… No, wait, I'm not ready… I'm not ready! Sar-"

Ezreal bolted upright, gasping for air. He looked around and saw Bard watching him. Blushing slightly, he slid out of bed and slinked to the bathroom.

"Uh, hey Bard, I'm just gonna use the bathroom real quick. Forget uh, forget what you saw. That is, if you saw anything. Which you didn't." He quietly closed the door.

After about ten minutes, Ezreal pushed open the door and yawned loudly.

"Man that was a big dump. Hey, you ready to hit the cafeteria?" Bard chimed indignantly in response. It was about time. After gathering their things, they headed off.

Waiting for them at their usual table were Soraka and Lux. Lux cheerfully smiled when they approached, but Soraka looked uneasy.

"Hi honey! How's it going? Look, they're serving your favorite today!" Lux exclaimed.

Ezreal peered over her shoulder at her food. He looked away, disappointed. "That's not my favorite."

Lux frowned in annoyance. Things were not starting off well. Forcing a smile, she tried to get the conversation back going. "Got any plans for later today?"

Ezreal scratched his chin. "Hmm… Actually yeah, I was meeting up with someone later."

Lux's eyes widened. "Who?" Ezreal waved his hand in the air. "It doesn't matter. Don't worry about it." But Lux was obviously worried.

Meanwhile, Bard sat down next to Soraka. She was poking her food with her fork, but she didn't seem to be eating any of it. Bard chimed in curiosity.

Soraka looked up at him and smiled. "I'm not hungry. Thanks for worrying." Bard pushed the food closer to her with his fork. She sighed in resignation. "You're right. I should eat." She ate a couple of bites and stood up. "I'm heading out. I've got some support stuff to do with the other supports. Not to mention some other stuff." She looked over at Lux, pained. "See ya."

Someone at the other end of the room caught Ezreal's eye. "Hey uh, Lux, I just remembered I've gotta do something, so I'm gonna head out too." Lux pulled on his sleeve. "Nooo, stay here with meeee. I'm looonely." Ezreal smiled. "Sorry Lux, gotta go." He walked away after patting her head, leaving Lux pouting.

Bard ate his food contently. Ignoring Ezreal's previous warning, he ate the scrambled eggs. He noticed Lux glaring at him from the other side of the table.

"I've got my eye on you. You seem awfully close to Ezreal. Too close…" She made a jabbing motion in the air with her fork and stormed off. Suddenly, Bard's stomach felt weird. He couldn't tell if it was Lux or the eggs.

One of Bard's meeps crawled onto the table, chiming. Bard played with it with his fork, rolling it over and lifting it into the air. It seemed to be enjoying it.

* * *

Ezreal slowly made his way to the other side of the cafeteria. Waiting for him was another one of the adcs, a certain frost queen.

Ashe was playing with the tip of one of her arrows as Ezreal approached. "Well, well, well. What do we have here. A young explorer, by the looks of it." She continued feeling the tip of the arrow, uninterested.

"Hey Ashe. Is there a reason why you signaled me from all the way over here?"

"I've got a message for you from you know who. I don't particularly like playing messenger, so you have to pay a price for it."

Ezreal grinned. "Anything. Just ask."

Ashe raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Okay, lover boy. I want you to tell Garen that Lux is pregnant. Simply as a joke though. You can tell him the truth later."

Ezreal ran his hand behind his neck. "I uh, are you sure you want me to do that?" He looked around nervously. "Isn't there anything else I can do? Please. Anything."

Ashe pulled out a letter and waved it in the air. "Those are the terms."

After a moment, Ezreal snatched the letter out of the air. "Fine. But it's not gonna be pretty."

* * *

"PLEASE DON'T KILL ME IT WAS A JOKE I'M SORRRRRYYYYYYY-"

"IN THE NAME OF DEMACIA I WILL END YOU!"

Garen charged after Ezreal, swinging his sword overhead. The explorer seemed to be having a hard time getting away. Tripping over his own feet, he ran headfirst into the back of Bard. Bard turned around, confused.

"Oh thank Leona. Bard, you gotta help me out. Get me outta here!" Ezreal pleaded.

Bard chimed happily. Opening a portal, Bard grabbed Ezreal by the back of his shirt and jumped in, closing the portal behind them. They landed on the grounds outside the institute. Ezreal panted, throwing his head in the air behind him.

"Phew. Thanks for the fast getaway Bard. You're my new getaway driver." Grinning, he pulled a letter out of his pocket. Bard chimed in curiosity.

"Oh, this? It's a letter from Sar- I mean, someone I know. Don't worry about it." Ripping it open, he scanned the contents of the letter thoroughly, holding the paper mere inches from his face. "Yeeeesssss!" Ezreal shouted.

Bard chimed twice. Ezreal threw his fist into the air and brought it in to his side. "This is great! Holy Leona this is amazing-"

Lux stood a short distance from Ezreal, tapping her foot rapidly. "What's great, Ezreal? What's so amazing?"

Ezreal quickly hid the letter behind his back. "Uhhh… Nothing. I was just uh, talking with my friend Bard here," Ezreal stammered, tapping Bard's belly, "and he shared one of his cool artifacts with me. Right Bard?"

Bard chimed in response, pulling out the blue stone from earlier. It hummed and glowed slightly. Ezreal pointed to it. "We're on the brink of an amazing discovery here!"

Lux crossed her arms. "Uh huh. Yeah. Now tell me exactly what it is the stone does?"

Ezreal bit his lip. "It uh, well it appears to be some kinda source of extreme power." Clear sounds emanated from the stone as it changed colors. Ezreal jumped.

Lux coughed and backed away, staring at the stone angrily. "Okay then… You haven't forgotten about our date later tonight, have you?"

"Our date…? Oh yeah, our date! Our date. Our date at 7:00- no, 7:30. At Kat's Bar. Right. Righto. Righterino. Got it. I haven't forgotten. I was just uh, getting ready. With Bard." He chuckled nervously. "Let's go Bard."

The two left, leaving Lux standing alone on the grass. Looking down while walking, she spotted something lying on the ground. It looked like a piece of paper. "Oh, what's this?" She quietly read the paper.

"EZREAL-"

* * *

Bard shut the door behind them quietly. Ezreal was rummaging through his closet, looking content. "Which do you think looks better, the black or white suit?" Bard pointed to the white one. "Yeah, I think so too. Hey, Bard, I've been thinking about something for a while." Bard sat down on his bed, and it creaked under his weight.

"After this date, I'm thinking about breaking up with Lux."

"…"

"I know, it's a bit sudden. But for some reason I just don't feel like I'm the best match for her. I'm an explorer. I love being out in the open, exploring new places. The thrill of adventure! And Lux, she's… well, I mean, she's nice but… She doesn't feel the way I do. She's a warrior, but she's still a Crownguard at heart, and she and Garen have to manage things at home. I'm just not suited for that kind of-" Ezreal patted his sides. "Hold on. Where's my letter?"

Bard chimed in innocence, holding his hands up in the air. "My letter, where's my letter?" Ezreal looked through his stuff hurriedly. "Oh don't tell me I left it…" Ezreal jolted upright.

"Listen, Bard, we gotta get out of here."

Bard chimed numerously as Ezreal threw his things into his backpack. Bard didn't want to just leave now that he had gotten used to the place. And more importantly, he didn't want to leave Soraka just yet.

Ezreal put his hand on Bard's shoulder. "Relax. We'll be back sooner than you know it. We just gotta hide out in the Donger's place for a bit while I sort out this stuff-" A sharp knock at the door interrupted him.

"Eep!" Ezreal dove into the bathroom and shut the door right as Bard opened the front door. Soraka stepped into the room.

Bard chimed happily. Finally his day was getting better. Soraka looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "Bard… I…"

Bard hugged her tightly. He didn't care what she was about to say. He was only glad to see her. Things were getting pretty crazy around the Institute. But something wasn't right.

"I'm sorry Bard."

The last thing Bard glimpsed before he blacked out was Soraka looking down at him, holding her charged staff in her hand.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four – The Third Day

Bard woke up again. To be more precise, something woke him up. It was as it usually was, sound, then smell, then sight. However, the first sounds that he heard didn't exactly comfort him. It was the sound of chains clinking together.

Then the smell of rot. Then he saw where he was.

He was chained to the wall, but he was sitting on a hard bed. The cell was completely enclosed, apart from a window high up on the wall and a slot in what he could only presume was a door. He sat up, scratching his head. Who would try to capture him, and why? Then he remembered the sound he heard earlier. As his eyes adjusted to the dark, he was eventually able to make out the form of someone lying on the bed across from him. It was Ezreal. He slowly turned over.

"Bard. I know you're awake."

Bard chimed noisily. It was Ezreal's fault for them being in this mess. He wanted him to talk.

"I'll explain what's going on." He took a deep breath.

"It all started on a pretty normal day. I was out shopping with Lux when I noticed someone else in the store. I hate shopping, so of course I was pretty bored. But what I saw interested me."

Ezreal sat up, rubbing his face. "She was beautiful. Mesmerizing really. And her name was Miss Fortune. Sarah Fortune. Most people don't know her first name." He paused for dramatic effect.

"While Lux was talking with the cashier, I talked with Miss Fortune. She told me of faraway lands, unexplored and untouched. I was shaking with excitement." Ezreal traced imaginary lines in the air.

"She told me she could take me there, but she didn't know when. Yesterday, I received a letter from her. It sounded kinda sensual I guess, but she was ready to take me exploring. I was ready to go, but I had to break it off with Lux first."

Bard chimed in agreement. The way Ezreal described it made him want to go exploring too. And he could tell from the sadness in Ezreal's eyes that he really missed it.

"I talked with Gordon, he said it would be okay if I left the League for a while. But I guess in my excitement I forgot about Lux's birthday, then the date, and… Man. I screwed everything up. I should've just been straightforward with her."

Bard nodded. He understood everything now. But there was one part he didn't understand. He chimed in several notes, and stars appeared in golden swirls in front of him.

"Hmm… Soraka? She's being controlled by Lux I guess. She got to you to get to me, but she didn't really seem herself. After you blacked out, I rushed out to try and help you, but I think she got me too." Ezreal chuckled and blushed slightly. "I'm not really much of a help, sorry. But let's think about getting out of here. Prop me up, would you?"

Bard lifted Ezreal onto his shoulders, and he then proceeded to look out the small window.

"Hmm, I don't really recognize this place. I don't think we'll be able to get out through here. Let's try the door."

Ezreal ran his hand over the smooth stone. "Usually there's some kind of pressure point that releases the door mechanism, but finding it is the tricky part. He pressed against several places before the stone door slowly swung in to reveal a metal gate with a lock.

"Blast. Guess it wouldn't be that easy."

Bard chimed, laughing. Putting his hand on the gate, he created a short portal that let them through. "Awesome!" Ezreal cheered, slapping Bard on the back. He stepped forward and was pulled back by the chains attached to his wrist and ankles. He landed on the floor.

"Owowow. I kinda forgot about those. Lmao."

Ezreal used his mystic shots to break the shackles loose for him and Bard. Jumping through the portal, the two proceeded to run through the maze-like hallways. After about ten minutes, the two came to a stop in front of a metal gate.

"Hold on," Ezreal panted, leaning against the gate with his hand, "Doesn't this gate look familiar?" They were back at the cell. "Argh" Ezreal cried, pulling at his hair. "This place is a labyrinth! I never thought I'd say this, but let's make a map."

After creating the map, escaping was easy enough. The only thing holding them back was the damage done to Ezreal's pride. Ezreal had some spare paper inside his jacket, and they used some old charcoal lying around to make markings. Judging from the echoing sounds, Bard figured they were in a cave of some kind. The light at the end of the stone hallway confirmed this fact. But standing between them and the light was…

Soraka. She was holding a long, curved knife, and her eyes were completely yellow. She groaned and staggered towards them.

Ezreal backed up slowly. "Woah there Soraka, hold on a second. Think about what you're doing." His words appeared to have no effect.

Bard stepped forward. There was no way Soraka would cause him any lasting harm. Or so he believed. Chiming loudly, he held out his hands in front of him. Soraka lurched toward him, pulling the knife in front of her. Dodging her clumsy swipe, Bard disarmed her and pulled her close. She struggled to release herself.

"Bard… no…" She groaned.

Then it happened.

The stone inside Bard's pocket started to glow. It was soft at first, but it grew until it was blinding. Soraka recoiled and tried to back away, but the three of them were drenched in the azure light. Eventually it died away, and Soraka was left crumpled on the ground. Bard pulled her up, and she stirred.

"Bard…? Where am I?"

Bard looked to Ezreal. Something had happened to Soraka, but all he knew was that the artifact he was in possession of cleansed her of whatever ailed her. Ezreal came to their side.

"Bard and I were trapped in a cell. We were just escaping when we encountered you in our path. You tried to kill us with this knife." He held up the curved blade.

"I… I don't remember much. Only Lux… and some strange necklace."

Ezreal furrowed his eyebrows. "…Necklace?" He sat there, pondering for a moment. "Hold on… it couldn't be." He met Bard's eyes. "Necklace. Lux. The necklace I gave Lux."

* * *

Bard emerged from the mouth of the cave, shielding his eyes from the sun. Beside him, Ezreal had an arm around Soraka, and was helping her to walk. She grinned bleakly.

"All right Bard. First thing's first. We gotta get to Lux and stop that necklace from infecting any more people." Bard chimed affirmatively. "The only problem is how to get there."

Bard took a step back and opened up a portal. Ezreal looked at him, dazed.

"Oh yeah. I forgot you could do that. Silly me."

Bard motioned with his arm. Chiming loudly, he jumped into the portal feet first.

Landing unceremoniously on his face, Bard quickly stood up and brushed himself off. They were standing in front of the Mid Quarters.

Ezreal and Soraka appeared beside him, landing a bit more gracefully. Bard looked at Ezreal, making sweeping motions in the air.

"…What?" Ezreal asked.

Bard pointed at the sun and made a rainbow motion.

"Sun… wait no, light. Rainbow… oh, Lux?"

Bard nodded. He pointed to the Mid Quarters and then motioned to a building somewhere off to the right.

"The Mid Quarters and the Support Quarters? Oh, you're wondering why Lux doesn't stay in the Support Quarters. It all happened a while back. Rito, the creator, constantly changes things around here. For instance, lots of people like to play me mid right now. The same thing happened with Lux. After a while, summoners got bored of playing her support. It was time for her to pack her bags and go. That, and Lulu did sorta slip things into her food. I don't think she took it very _lightly_. Hahahahah!"

Bard stared at Ezreal, and his laughter slowly died off.

"…What?"

Soraka slapped her forehead. "Hey, Ezreal. You can put me down now. I'll get back to the Support Quarters on my own."

Ezreal gently lifted his arm off her shoulder. "You sure? It's no problem."

Soraka grimaced and stood up straight. "Yes. It's my duty as a support to make sure we're the ones worrying for other people." Smiling, she slowly limped off.

Bard ran up to her and put his hand on her shoulder. Opening a portal with his left hand, he softly ruffled her hair with his right. Soraka smiled at Bard. "Thank you, Bard." She was gone before he realized it. He already missed her.

Facing Ezreal, he made his hand into a fist. Ezreal did likewise, and they fist bumped.

"Let's do this Bard."

* * *

Things were quiet in the Mid Quarters. Too quiet. Ezreal silently made his way down the hall, with Bard right at his heels. He motioned for them to stop, and he peered inside the lounge through a crack in the door.

Lux was strolling up and down the room, but it wasn't Lux that disturbed him. All of the mid champions were tied up and gagged, and were seated in a row beside her. Half of them were unconscious, and the other half had yellow eyes and were groaning under their breaths. Ezreal couldn't help but cover his mouth to keep from throwing up.

He slowly turned to Bard. "All right dude. Things look bad. Lux has got the mid champs tied up, but they're all infected, so we can't rely on them for help. I don't want to hurt Lux, but she's going to be unpredictable if she's under the influence of the amulet I gave her. Which I found in an old Noxian temple. Gosh darn it. If only I had thought about it more. Noxians. I hate those guys."

Bard patted Ezreal on the shoulder. It wasn't easy having so many responsibilities at such a relatively young age. The mental strains could be devastating. But back to the situation at hand. Bard pulled out the blue stone from his pocket and held it up at Ezreal's eye level.

"The stone! Of course!" He quickly covered his mouth and peered into the room, afraid of being overheard. He sighed in relief and continued.

"If I can sneak in there, I can use the stone to return someone back to normal, and they can help us to take down Lux. Without killing her of course. Although now that I mention it…" Bard smacked him lightly on the head. "Right, right." Ezreal looked away, chuckling.

"The only problem is who we're going to release. We need someone with expertise in stealth and takedowns. But, someone who wouldn't kill Lux. Someone like…"

Ezreal looked back into the room and locked eyes with Katarina. She was struggling against the effects of the necklace, and appeared to be losing. This didn't stop her from sending Ezreal a death glare first though. After a short moment, her head went limp, and she was unconscious.

"…Katarina? Hmm… I uh, I don't really want to be in debt to her but… She looks like our best bet right now. Ding my donger. Noxians. I really do hate those guys. Bard, can you portal me across the room without Lux noticing?"

Bard put both his hands together and stretched out his arms, striking some stretch poses. He replied affirmatively with a strong thumbs up.

Putting both his hands on the wall, a portal opened up. Bard performed this act without making a sound, and looking through the portal, Ezreal could see the back of the chair Katarina was tied to. Fist bumping with Bard, Ezreal grabbed the stone and crept through the portal.

Ezreal didn't really know how the stone worked, or how he would do this without attracting attention. Both problems solved themselves. Ezreal saw the first solution, and heard the second one.

He held up the stone to Katarina's head, and she moaned in response. The stone grew hotter and hotter, and became slightly brighter, and eventually Katarina snapped out of it. She looked down at her bonds and hissed.

"I know you're there, pretty boy. Get me out of these bonds."

Ezreal's eyes widened and he covered her mouth with his hand. "Shhh! We have to do this quietly, or Lux will hear." He whispered.

Just as Lux was about to turn towards them, Bard leapt into the room, chiming loudly. It sounded like the universe was a dump truck unloading chimes into the room. Everyone in it cried out from the noise, but Bard just laughed and jumped around. This gave Ezreal the opportunity to undo Kat's bonds, and she swiftly dashed towards Lux.

Lux whirled right as Kat struck down upon her. "Kat?! What are you-"

Lux fell to the ground with a resounding smack. Ezreal ran to her and ripped the necklace off her. It was burning hot, and he dropped it, clutching his hand in pain.

Bard pointed to the sapphire in the centerpiece of the necklace. It was turning red. Ezreal ran to the necklace and smashed the sapphire with his boot. It shattered into dust.

Suddenly, the blue stone vibrated in Ezreal's pocket, and he held it out in wonder, Ezreal watched the stone levitate from his palm and down into the necklace on the floor. A calming aura instantaneously washed over the room.

Katarina looked down at the face of her best friend. "Come on Lux. What were you thinking?" She walked over to Ezreal, and smacked him in the back of the head. "And what were you thinking, giving her something like that? She could've killed all of us!"

Ezreal coughed, clutching the back of his head. "Well it helps me think better when the back of my head doesn't hurt like crap. Yeow." Bard chimed, laughing.

Katarina stood there, shaking her head. "You're crazy. Then again, I like my men crazy." She looked over to Ezreal and winked.

Ezreal blushed and looked away. "Oh uh… Thanks I guess… I mean…. Wait, hold on, I have a girlfriend!"

Katarina tossed her hair over her shoulder and walked away. "Even better. That just means you'd be even crazier. Rawr." She made a clawing motion with her hand, and was out of sight. Her yelling came from down the hall, considerably quieter than before. "I'm still expecting you at my bar by the way!"

Ezreal sighed. She was right. He looked at the incapacitated champs stirring in their chairs and Lux on the floor. He still had some work to do.

* * *

Lux sat across from Ezreal at the two person table they were sharing. The bar was noisy, but not loud enough so that they couldn't hear each other normally. She looked down and away, trying not to make eye contact.

Ezreal cleared his throat. She jumped nervously.

"So, Lux. How was the steak? It was pretty good, right…" He coughed softly.

"Ezreal… I'm so sorry. I never… I never meant to do all those things, and I couldn't control what I was doing and-"

Ezreal put a finger to her lips. She looked at him in surprise. "It's my fault Lux. The necklace I gave you had an evil incantation on it. The original stone had been replaced with a malicious imitation. I just failed to notice it before."

Lux looked at him with big eyes. "So you mean it wasn't my fault?" He nodded. "And it was really your fault all along?" He coughed.

Lux stood out of her chair. "EZREAL YOU BIG DUMMIE!" Ezreal covered his ears, wincing. Lux marched over to him and hit him on the head.

"Ow! That really hurts!"

Lux hugged him tightly. Ezreal was taken aback, and eventually returned the hug. Then he remembered what he was going to do, and felt like trash. Lux sat back down in her seat, giggling happily.

"Hey uh, Lux… Actually, I was going to tell you…"

She perked up. "Yes, honey?"

Ezreal closed his eyes. "I just feel like-"

"What? Speak up, you dum dum!"

"I was going to say-"

"There's too much noise! Say it again?"

Ezreal threw back his head in frustration. "Lux, I'm breaking up with you!" He instantly winced. It came out louder than he had expected. And the atmosphere was suddenly different.

The bar went silent. Everyone turned to look at them. Katarina was working the bar, and a glass slipped out of her motionless hand. The shattering sound hurt Ezreal's ears. He cringed. Bard walked in, at most likely the worst possible time. He looked to Ezreal confused, the holes in his mask spinning. Ezreal looked back in response, shrugging and making an idk face and hand motion.

Lux looked down at her hands in her lap. Ezreal couldn't see her face, but it was probably better that way. She seemed to be taking it pretty hard.

"Ez… Ezreal… Why…?" she sobbed. Sound slowly returned to the room as the other patrons continued their conversations.

"Lux, don't take it the wrong way. You're an extremely attractive woman! I just need to get out more, do some exploring!"

Lux reached over the table, grabbing his shirt in desperation. "Then take me exploring with you! I'd do anything to be with you! You know that!"

Ezreal grabbed Lux's arm and slowly moved it away from him. "You know I can't do that. You have too many things to do here related to governing Demacia, and second of all, Garen wouldn't allow it."

"We could run away! Start a new life!"

"Okay, now you're just being silly."

"Ezreal, please!" she pleaded.

A figure slowly slinked her way over to them from across the bar. Her shadow cast an eerie darkness over the two of them.

"Hello, prodigal explorer. I've been expecting you."

Lux's eyes widened. "MISS FORTUNE-" she screamed.

"Oh crap." Ezreal breathed, letting his arms drop in resignation.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five – Ezreal's Journey

Bard sat on his bed, toying around with his instrument. It produced clear sounds, filling his room with a magical sensation that nearly lifted him off his bed. His meeps floated through the air, desperately trying to paddle their way down to the ground. Chuckling, Bard scooped them out of the air and placed them softly on his shoulders.

Someone was trying to open the door stealthily, but it creaked loudly as it gently swung inwards. Standing up, Bard saw the door slowly swing back the other way, and figured whoever was there was now trying to leave unnoticed. But Bard had the upper hand. Opening a portal through the wall, he stepped through to find himself behind Soraka, who was frantically trying to close the door without a sound.

After a few painful moments for Soraka, she finally closed the door and ran headfirst into Bard's stomach. He grabbed her by the arms and steadied her before she fell.

"Bard! I uh, didn't see you there! How are you?" She asked nervously. Bard chimed lightly in response, letting his arms drop once Soraka was upright and steady.

"So…" She rubbed her cheek softly. "I was going to ask…" Bard chimed questioningly. "Bard! D-did you want to go get something to eat with me outside of the cafeteria?"

Bard stepped up to Soraka, inches away from her rapidly beating heart. "If you don't, that's fine, I'm not going to force you to-"

Bard pulled Soraka into a warm hug. Surprise crossed her face, but she quickly smiled and closed her eyes, snuggling against him. Bard chimed lowly and quietly. "I'm so glad…" She murmured.

"Oh my! What do we have here?" Lux strolled past them, winking at Soraka subtly. _You go girl!_ She mouthed. Soraka blushed. "All right Bard, let's get going… I was thinking of going somewhere nice, like…"

* * *

The restaurant was used to getting strange visitors from the League, so they weren't bothered at all by Bard's huge figure as he ducked under the door. "Table for two please!" Soraka requested.

"I'll have some orange juice and the premium salad. My friend will have sparkling soda and the rib eye steak." Soraka told the waiter, and he left with a bow.

"So… what exactly makes a salad premium?" Soraka wondered out loud.

 _Wait…_ thought Bard. _Can I even eat steak?_

His mind drifted back to his friend Ezreal. Ezreal loved this place. It made Bard a little sad that he wasn't sitting across from his best friend right now like the good old days, but he wasn't exactly disappointed with the fact that Soraka was here instead. She looked content, and was humming a happy tune as she adjusted the placement of her utensils.

"You know Bard, I like spending time with you. Sometimes it's better to just sit back and relax instead of constantly trying to impress people with my _magical_ powers. It's refreshing." She waved her hands in front of her and opened her eyes wide in mock surprise. Bard laughed and chimed affirmatively in response.

Bard couldn't stop thinking about his friend. Ezreal had been so desperate to get out and explore, and Bard wanted to help him do it, but a part of him wished he had just stayed at the Institute with him instead of taking off for distant lands. Bard had been reading some old celestial documents in their dorm room when Ezreal stumbled upon some forgotten scrolls on the same subject.

"Yo Bard, check this out! This artifact looks amazing!" Bard held up the scroll he was holding inches from Ezreal's face. Ezreal crossed his eyes in an attempt to read it. "Oh sweet! You know about it?" He brought his fist down in a determined clench. "I have to retrieve it and bring it to a museum. This could be my chance to make a mark on history!" Bard didn't want to stop and point out the fact that the prodigal explorer had already made many marks on history. He only sighed and quietly handed him the scrolls. In truth, Bard had been seeking this same artifact for some time now. It was too powerful to leave in the wrong hands.

Ezreal furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "What exactly does it do though?" He scanned through the documents hurriedly. Understanding dawned on his face, and he suddenly blushed strongly. "Wait, Bard, this is-! With this kind of power-!" Ezreal leaned in close to his friend's face. "This thing harnesses the power of love." he whispered loudly. "Imagine the _possibilities_."

Bard chimed indignantly and pushed him away. Ezreal knew artifacts weren't supposed to be used for personal gain. They represented celestial beings, and should only be used for the good of the humankind. It didn't look like that was what Ezreal was thinking about though.

Drool hung from Ezreal's bottom lip. He laughed slowly, and a wide smile crossed his face. "You know Bard, Caitlyn's pretty ho-" Bard slapped him across the face lightly multiple times.

"Ahahah, you're right, she's already pretty intimate with Vi-" Bard kept slapping him until he broke loose. "Hahah, chill dude! I'm just kidding. But uh, _you_ wouldn't mind using this thing on Soraka though, would you…?" He snapped his fingers and pointed them at his blushing friend, smiling cheekily and lowering his head in a seductive stare.

Bard took a few steps back, holding his hands in front of him to protest. Ezreal jumped forwards and nudged him in the sides, wiggling his eyebrows. "Eh? Eh? Whaddaya say, buddy ol' pal-" Bard chimed loudly, punching him in the gut.

Ezreal recovered and clenched his hand into a fist once more. "That settles it then," he proclaimed with a serious expression. " _I_ , the soon to be historically famous explorer Ezreal, will retrieve this artifact for you, Bard, celestial being of the… wait, where are you from again? Eh, doesn't matter. But I'm gonna find this thing. Count on it." Throwing lots of junk into his backpack, Ezreal set out the next day. Once Ezreal set his mind to something, there was no stopping him.

The juicy steak set before him on the table woke Bard out of his daydreams. Jabbing it with his fork, he noticed Soraka had her eyes closed and her hands together. Bard didn't know Soraka prayed before eating. _Wait, isn't she already a celestial being? Who's there to pray to? Although, I guess she's no longer a celestial being, so she doesn't really have the prestige and all that anymore._ She opened her eyes and noticed him watching her. "It's more for the thought than the action," she said with a smile. "I'm just thankful I'm still alive. Let's eat!"

* * *

"Um… Miss Fortune? Hello? Could you like, let me go please? And like, return my stuff while you're at it? A hot bath would also be nice. Maybe a soothing massage now that I think of it-" A high heeled boot swiftly knocked his head sideways.

"Be quiet, sucker. You're aboard my ship now, and I make the rules." She held her pistols seductively in front of her face, holding the barrels inches from her plump lips. She licked them tenderly.

"Awoogah! Jeez, you didn't have to kick me that hard! The ropes are already doing a pretty good job of breaking my willpower here." He twisted a little in place, but the ropes really were secure. _Maybe Miss Fortune should join the knotting club back at the League._

Miss Fortune leaned in close and tilted Ezreal's chin up with one of her pistols. "Well now, cutie pie. You wouldn't mind staying there like a good boy, would you?" _Thank you._ she mouthed as she strutted away. "Brutus! Steer us in the right direction for once!" A whimper replied before she had even finished the sentence. Poor Brutus.

Ezreal winced as he shifted in position. The ropes dug into his skin, and the salt from the ocean spray cut into his rope burns. He found himself making a low noise in the back of his throat. Miss Fortune wasn't who she said she was. She dealt with some pretty dark stuff. Human trafficking? Not exactly the profession of the girl you wanted to bring home to your parents. If you even had parents. _Man, remind me to put that on my list of things to do. Find my parents._ He drew an imaginary box next to the imaginary line he wrote down in his imaginary list. Someday, he was going to check that box. But for now…

Big guys in tats swaggered around, grunting as they heaved supplies and ropes to and fro. One dude had a weird looking haircut. _Wait, that isn't important at all. Concentrate here dude._ There was a crate of supplies directly off to his left, and a barrel of explosives on the far side of the deck. _Hopefully it doesn't come to that._ Strangely enough, one of the shipmates kept glancing at him. She was wearing a large bandana though, and the slit for her eyes did nothing to help him discern or even remember what she looked like. _Is she going to be a liability? Oh wait, hold on! The rope's starting to come loose! I gotta think of what I'm gonna do before someone notices._

It was all coming together. Hidden in the crate off to his left was his gauntlet. He would wait for a spray of water to come over the side of the ship, and in the confusion, he would make a run for the crate. Throwing open the lid he would find…

"Oranges?! What the frick dude! I can't fight my way out of here with _oranges_ …" He turned slowly to face the entire crew surrounding him in a semicircle, closing in fast. "Ohhh craaappp…" He threw a couple of oranges weakly at a pirate, and they bounced off his face.

One of the pirates picked up the orange and bit off half of it, skin and all. "Don'cha know oranges prevent scuuurvy?" He rolled the u. Ezreal didn't even know you could roll that letter. The more you know…

"Actually, I did know that. You know what else I know?" The pirates looked at each other in confusion. "That you're going down like a door hinge!" He laughed triumphantly and puffed out his chest.

Silence.

"Dear Leona please help me."

The pirates lunged towards him. Ezreal jumped atop the crate and pointed at the seething Miss Fortune standing next to Brutus by the wheel of the ship. "Brutus!" he yelled. "Don't worry! You're a cool guy!" Brutus smiled sadly in response. "And Miss Fortune! When I escape, it looks like you're going to have to… _tie up some loose ends!_ " Miss Fortune stared back at him blankly. "Was that really a rope pun…?" she asked.

Ezreal hastily flung himself off the side of the ship and looked down. _How high up are we?! I'm going to die if I hit the water from this height! How can I even think coherently right now?! Is that a seagull? Wait, that means we're close to land! I'm actually a genius! Which doesn't help me at all if I'm going to die-!_

Two claws dug into his shirt from the back and yanked him up a few meters before imminent death. It was, quite simply, a large bird. A hecka large bird. And a girl. A girl and a bird. _Sounds like the album name of an indie group. And I am so confused right now._

The girl steered the bird towards land. She wore a large bandana. "Hah!" Ezreal shouted, and pointed at her. "You thought the bandana would protect your identity, but I know exactly who you are! You were on that ship as part of the crew! The bandana worked against you in the long run! Aaand I'm probably going to die now. Please, if I'm going to die, at least let me send a letter to my best friend. He'd be pretty sad if he found out I died without saying anything. Wait, can Bard even cry?" That last sentence was directed more toward himself than the girl riding the huge mega death bird. She laughed softly in response. _Phew._ Ezreal thought. _At least my executioner has a sense of humor._

* * *

His executioner's name, as it turns out, was Quinn.

"Hold up, aren't you actually a champion at the League? I've faced off against you a couple of times!" Ezreal asked, eyeing her up.

Without the bandana, she was actually kinda cute. She had shoulder length hair pulled back into a ponytail, and a nasty looking crossbow. Her bird glared at Ezreal from his perch on the other side of the room.

After escaping from the ship, Quinn had directed her bird towards, unbeknownst to Ezreal, her hideout in Bilgewater. About a week ago, Ezreal had decided to take up Miss Fortune's request after all, asking her to take him from his hometown Piltover to Ionia, where the artifact was rumored to be hidden. She promptly redirected their course towards Bilgewater once they had lost sight of land. Quinn had been performing bodyguard work aboard Miss Fortune's vessel, but she was actually a plant, waiting for the right moment to take Miss Fortune down. Her mission had been compromised once she discovered Miss Fortune had a hostage though, and she decided the life of one attractive man was worth saving the operation for later. _Wait, did I really just think that? Snap out of it, Quinn!_

"In any case, thanks for saving my skin. What can I do to repay you? Oh, before you say anything, nothing related to artifacts though. I can't really risk the lives of hundreds of people in exchange for you saving mine."

 _How about a nice, slow kiss?_ Quinn thought. _Wait, no! I can't ask him that! I'll uh… I'll ask him if he knows anything about Miss Fortune that might come in handy, now that she knows the threat that I pose._

She cleared her throat. "So… Ezreal? Was it?" He nodded. "Know anything about kissing?"

"Um… what?"  
She immediately blushed and covered her face. Valor, her bird, squawked loudly, obviously amused. Quinn cleared her throat and tried to hide her embarrassment. "What I meant to say was, I was wondering if you had any information on Miss Fortune that would help me in my mission to stop her."

"You… you want to kiss Miss Fortune to stop her?" Ezreal was having a hard time connecting the dots between the two statements.

"What?! No! Forget what I said about the kissing!"

Ezreal chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, no worries. It happens. Hmm, let's see. A psychotic psychopath capable of twisting men's hearts in order to manipulate them into boarding her ship, resulting in their imprisonment and eventual sale as human slaves. That's pretty much all I know about her, sorry. Oh, and she's pretty good at tying knots."

"I'd like to tie the knot." Quinn murmured.

"I'm sorry?"

"N-nothing! Well, Ezreal, I thank you. Whether or not you realize it, you've been a great help to me."

"Um… I haven't told you anything you didn't already know."

"Well, not exactly like that."

"Then how?"

"…"

"Does this have anything to do with kissing Miss Fortune? Because if you're lesbian then I'm totally cool with that-"

"Just leave already!" Quinn yelled, blushing and pushing him out the door.

"Hey, don't worry! I won't tell anybody!" Ezreal yelled as the door shut in his face. Quinn already knew she was going to have a hard time forgetting the explorer.

"Now… back to business. Where exactly am I? Oh man, please don't tell me I'm going to need a map. I need a map, don't I. Cuuurses!" he swore, mimicking the deep voice of the pirate he met earlier. "Aaand I'm never going to say that again."

* * *

Miles away, Bard sensed a disturbance in the air, emanating from his friend Ezreal. _Is he in trouble?_ he thought. He dismissed the notion. _He probably just needs a map._


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six – A Devious Plot

"So Bard!" He turned his head attentively towards Soraka, as he had been watching the other patrons of the restaurant discuss matters of their own. He chimed questioningly.

"What is it that you do when you're not caught up in some celestial matters? Do you have any hobbies?" Soraka asked. If she could find out what Bard did in his free time, maybe she could try and spend some quality time with him outside of Summoner's Rift.

Bard thought about her question, and found himself wondering the same thing. _What_ do _I do in my free time? I used to just drift around the confines of the universe, but the League isn't exactly the same._

"Do you just… pet your meeps all day and play your instrument?"

Bard paused, then chimed affirmatively.

Soraka laughed. "Hahah! Oh, Bard. Let me take you out tomorrow, show you some of the cool hobbies I've picked up since staying at the Institute. You'd be surprised."

After what Bard had seen, he doubted he would be surprised.

* * *

Bard chimed in surprise. _Um… what is this?_ he thought.

Confusion crossed Soraka's face. "What? You don't knit?"

Bard didn't knit. Knitting was… well, to be completely honest, he never thought he would end up making a pair of socks in his lifetime. He picked up one of Soraka's knitting needles, testing its weight.

A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts. "Who could that be?" asked Soraka. She pulled open the door to find two officers of Piltover standing before them. They were too busy talking to notice the door open.

"Come on Cait! Why don't I ever get to knock?!"

"Because, Vi, you would break in the door with that fist of yours." She spoke coolly, with a strong British accent.

"And what's wrong with a little destruction now and then?" Caitlyn slapped her forehead in response. "There are so many things wrong with that statement, Vi." They noticed Soraka and Bard watching them from inside the room. Caitlyn straightened her back and cleared her throat.

"Greetings. We're on official League business. I'm Officer Caitlyn, and this is my partner, Officer Vi."

Soraka put her hands together at her legs and bowed briefly. "Hello. What can we do for you?"

"We're just doing a little investigative work. Nothing to be worried about." She pulled out a slip of paper and held it out in front of them. "When was the last time you saw this individual?"

The paper was faded, but Soraka could discern the image of a crazed looking girl with blue hair sticking her tongue out at them. She looked familiar, but from where had she seen her before…?

"Her name is Jinx. She's wanted for multiple crimes. And she's also a champion on the Rift, to the displeasure of many." Recognition dawned on Soraka's face.

"Sorry, we haven't seen her. What's going on, by the way?" Soraka inquired.

Vi coughed. "We're not allowed to give out any information on the subject. Go back to…" She saw the knitting needle in Bard's hands. "…whatever you were doing."

"Good luck!" Soraka shouted as they left. "Hmm. That was strange. What do you think that was all about?" she asked Bard.

Bard chimed in response and shrugged his shoulders. _Only one way to find out._

* * *

"Hold on a second…" murmured Ezreal. "I haven't even gotten my gauntlet back yet!" He slammed his head against the wall of Quinn's hideout multiple times. "Idiot!"

Ezreal figured Miss Fortune would probably make a supply run at the Bilgewater docks, since there were no other major cities around. He would have to be quick about getting his gauntlet back, moving in and out faster and stealthier than Teemo when laying down shrooms. He shuddered at the thought. That poofing noise haunted him in his sleep.

The sun was setting, but the place was still pretty ominous, even with the fading light from the sun. The further down Ezreal moved, the thicker the eerie fog became, enveloping him in large swirls. He tried to steer clear of several shady merchants with even shadier merchandise.

Ezreal finally made it down to the docks. Various ships were moored there, and a large number of deckhands were moving supplies to and from their respective vessels. The sun had just set, so Ezreal had to rely on his other senses to make his way around safely. Choosing a direction meant choosing between a bad smell and a worse smell at this point. He spotted a large pile of crates near the stone bulkhead separating a row of rusty shacks from the loose, wooden floorboards of the dock. Arcane shifting behind it, he situated himself in a position where nobody would be able to see him. _All right. Now I wait until it's completely dark before I make my move. And I think I see Miss Fortune's ship coming in. Perfect timing._

* * *

Bard had never done detective work, but there was a first time for everything. Staying multiple paces behind Caitlyn and Vi, Bard tailed them to the Institute's library, where he quickly found himself listening in on their conversation behind an aisle of books.

"Okay Vi, remind me again why you're itching to find Jinx so badly again? I know she's trouble, and we'll eventually catch her, but there are other things we could be worrying about. And I'm not really feeling up to lying about 'official League business.'" She readjusted the strap of her rifle on her shoulder.

"Because," Vi replied through clenched teeth, "she stole my man from me. And I will never forgive her for that."

Caitlyn suppressed a laugh. "Your man?"

Vi looked away. "Jayce."

Caitlyn smiled and shook her head. "He was never your man to begin with, Vi."

Vi grabbed Caitlyn by the collar. "Shut up! He liked me, okay?!" Caitlyn put a finger to her mouth. _Library._ she mouthed. Irked, Vi released her from her grasp. "She stole him from me, okay? And now he's missing, and I have to find her to find him."

Caitlyn put her hand on Vi's shoulder. "Whatever you say, Vi." They locked eyes until it became uncomfortable. Caitlyn blushed and looked away. "It's not gonna be easy though…" she voiced.

 _Jayce?_ Thought Bard. _Where have I heard that name before?_

* * *

Bard stood before an elegant building. The sign at the front read _Gentleman's Club_ , in curvy lettering. Pushing open the door, Bard faced an open room with decorated tables and sofas, with a large bar off to the side. The room was dimly lit with purple lights, but it looked like there wasn't much activity going on, as nobody was there. The door quickly swung shut behind Bard, and silence surrounded him. Shortly before he turned to leave, Bard heard a soft whisper from behind the bar.

"Who… who's there?"

Bard chimed cautiously.

"You're… you're not Vi, are you?"

Bard chimed once more to deny the statement.

A figure slowly rose from behind the counter. It was a tall man in an expensive suit, and he held a strange looking rod in both hands. He was hunched over, and looked ready to fight at any moment. Upon inspecting Bard's character, he straightened up and lowered his weapon.

"Phew, that's a relief. The name's Jayce. I'm the owner of this fine establishment. Sorry for the inconvenience though, but we're closed."

Bard tilted his head to the side and chimed in curiosity.

"You're probably wondering why the hiding."

Bard nodded.

"And the whispering."

Bard nodded.

"And the weapon."

Bard nodded.

"And the whole Vi thing."

Bard shook his head.

"Really?"

Bard slapped his forehead.

"Sarcasm. Got it. You want a drink?"

 _Why not._ figured Bard. He walked over to the bar while Jayce opened up an old bottle of what Bard assumed to be alcohol. Situating himself on a bar stool, Bard watched Jayce pour a deep blue liquid into a glass.

"Mana potion. Can't come across this stuff very easily anymore." He slid the glass over to Bard, and Bard stopped its path with his hand. Jayce walked over to the side of the bar and sat down next to him, sighing.

"Listen… don't tell anyone else this, but uh… The reason why I'm hiding from Vi…" He turned towards Bard, making hand motions while he talked. "At first I thought she was just being friendly, but then I realized she was flirting with me. When a girl like that likes you, you just sorta panic and-" Bard put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down.

"She's so scary, dude." he whispered. "I don't ever wanna be near her again. Not after the intimate things she did to me…" He shuddered at the thought. "So then I saw that girl with the blue hair right? I thought she was my way out, so I went off with her to try and deter Vi, but then the girl started doing that creepy giggle thing and pulled out some nasty looking weapons, and I knew I was in another mess, but by then it was too late, so I just ran, dude. I just ran here, and I've been hiding ever since. I told her my name was Ezreal to try and throw her off since it was the first name that popped into my head, but now my friend's in danger and-" Bard pushed against him, chiming aggressively. "I know. I know. But there's nothing I can do about it now." Bard stood up and walked past Jayce, looking straight ahead. Jayce had his elbows on the bar counter, grabbing his hair and rocking in place. Bard felt sorry for him, but he had more important things to worry about now. His best friend was in danger.

* * *

The last of the deckhands had finally left. _Probably for a drink, no doubt._ This was the moment for Ezreal to go in. Moving swiftly and silently, Ezreal made his way onto Miss Fortune's ship, careful not to disturb anyone by making any noise. He spotted the explosives crate from earlier and crawled over to it. Lifting the lid, Ezreal was greeted by the smell of oranges. "Jeez, don't these guys eat anything else?" he remarked under his breath. He turned around sharply to find the silhouette of a figure towering above him. The man lifted a small lantern to his face.

"Brutus?!" Ezreal stammered. Brutus put a finger to his lips and pointed to the small cabin on the other side of the deck. He then pointed to his wrist and pretended to make shooting motions. "Oh, my gauntlet. But why are you helping me, Brutus?"

Brutus smiled. Ezreal was the closest thing to a friend he ever had, and he wanted to help. Miss Fortune wasn't nice to him at all. He laid a hand on Ezreal's shoulder. "Friend." he said in a low voice. Ezreal nodded in understanding. "Thank you, Brutus. I owe you one."

Thankfully, Miss Fortune kept the cabin door well oiled, and it opened without a sound. She was sound asleep, with her feet propped up in front of her on her desk and her hat covering her face as she reclined in her chair. The snoring helped Ezreal to cover the sounds of his footsteps.

 _Now where could that gauntlet be… Oh no._

The gauntlet was resting on Miss Fortune's lap.

 _Are you kidding me?! Bruh._

As Ezreal got closer and closer to her, he noticed the scent of oranges coming off her in waves. _So I guess she really likes oranges, huh? Must make getting her a birthday present that much easier._

He positioned himself beside her, mentally preparing for the meticulous task ahead. Carefully starting to lift the gauntlet off of her lap, Ezreal cursed under his breath when Miss Fortune crossed her legs and shifted her weight. After a few moments of silence, Ezreal took a deep breath and continued. That's when things went very wrong.

Miss Fortune grabbed the gauntlet out of Ezreal's hands. He jumped back in surprise, ready to make a run for it, but Miss Fortune was still asleep. Rubbing the gauntlet against her face, she drew out a long moan as her hat fell to the ground.

"Ohhh… Ezreal…"

Ezreal tried to ignore the uncomfortable feeling that was growing in his pants.

"My sweet Ezreal… How rich you would have made me with those pretty blue eyes."

Ezreal stifled a cough. A pirate true and true, that girl was. Picking up her hat from the floor, Ezreal planted himself firmly beside her. This was it. He was going to swap the hat for the gauntlet.

Beads of sweat rolled down Ezreal's forehead. He held the hat inches from his gauntlet, trying to calculate the best angle of approach for the switch. The moment Miss Fortune groaned and moved again, he grabbed the gauntlet with his left hand and shoved the hat in its place with his right. After a few painful seconds, Miss Fortune continued her peaceful slumber. Ezreal sighed in relief.

 _That was too close._

… _You know what? I don't think I'm done with her just yet._ He spotted some rope on the shelves beside him. _Ohhh yeahhh._

Ezreal stepped back and admired his handiwork. There was no way she was getting her hands out of that knot. _A fine piece of work, if I do say so myself._ He poked her in the side of the face, and she stirred sleepily.

"Eunhh? What the-? Ezreal?!" She stared at him with wide eyes and an open mouth, and she noticed her hands were bound. She struggled with the ropes, glaring at Ezreal and the masterful knot he had tied.

"You devious little brat! Cut these ropes right now!"

Ezreal held his gauntlet inches from his face and licked his lips tenderly. "Be quiet, Miss Fortune."

At that moment, something very strange happened. The door was kicked in, and a young girl stood in the doorway. She had large blue braids and a nasty looking gun in the shape of a shark.

Miss Fortune stopped struggling and stared at the newcomer. "Jinx…?" she asked.

The young girl giggled in reply and threw a small object across the room. It landed on the desk in front of them, and Ezreal leaned in to take a closer look. It appeared to be some kind of toy monkey holding cymbals, and it made a weird noise as it clapped them together. Strapped to its back were… explosives?!

The girl moped playfully. "You're Ezreal?" she asked, tilting her head to the side. "Guess I had the wrong guy. Sorry not sorry!" she yelled, tossing her arms up in the air and running from the cabin.

In a split second decision, Ezreal grabbed Miss Fortune and made a dive for the window. No sooner had they made it into the open air than he heard a rumbling explosion erupt from behind them. He braced himself against Miss Fortune, and they both hit the water with a loud splash. _This is so not how I imagine this would turn out._ he thought, as they slowly sunk, the fire from the ship illuminating the outlines of their bodies in the dark water. _Of all the things-_

* * *

Author's note:

I have no idea what I'm writing about anymore lol

Well, I have a good idea for where the story is going, but it's getting a lot harder to describe new environments lmao

Hint: maybe a little Ezreal x Caitlyn action coming up ooh la laa spicy meme

P.S. I'm still deciding on a good name for the story, and for some reason the -sama bit of Bard-sama made the story kinda hard to find

Or maybe it's because I set it as rated M, I dunno


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven – Funny Business

The sand felt cold between Ezreal's clenched fingers. Groaning, he pulled his cheek up off the wet surface of the beach and rolled onto his back. _Uhh, what the… What's going on…?_ His eyelids cracked apart, and his gaze met the form of a curvaceous lady lying a couple of yards away. _Wait…_ A nearby shout interrupted his thoughts.

"Ezreal! Hang on!"

The voice was familiar. But from where…?

A peppy Demacian dressed in blue hurriedly crouched down over Ezreal. Her bird squawked loudly, and she ran her hands over his chest, looking for any potential wounds.

"Thank Leona. I was so worried…"

Ezreal couldn't help but smile. She reminded him of Bard, way back at the Institute. Remembering his friend made him a little sad though. He needed to see him soon. But he couldn't return without finding the artifact first. Man, he was getting totally sidetracked with all this.

"Is that… who I think it is?" Quinn pointed to the limp body farther down the beach, the waterline threatening to pull the lass back into the water.

Ezreal coughed roughly and sat up. "Yeah," he replied nonchalantly, wiping some sand from his mouth. _Man, salt water tastes horrible. Like meatloaf Monday back at the League._

Quinn helped Ezreal to his feet as she eyed Miss Fortune. The pirate girl's hat was long gone, leaving her long red hair sprawling out behind her, catching in her shirt and pants. Ezreal was shivering like a madman, so Quinn draped her cloak over him and went over to help Miss Fortune as well. She turned her over and checked for signs of breathing.

"Well, she's alive, at least. What happened in there? I assume you went back to her ship?"

"Okay, this is gonna sound crazy, but just hear me out, all right?"

"Mmm."

"Like I said, crazy stuff. You have to believe me."

"Yeah, I got that." She put her hands on her hips.

"It's totally crazy."

"Just tell me already!"

"Okay." He took a deep breath and paused for dramatic effect. "I was on her ship, right? So I snuck into her cabin and tried to get my gauntlet back, which I have right here." He held up his gauntlet, and the jewel in the center shone brightly, even with the cloudy skies overhead. "Mission accomplished. But then, some girl with blue hair showed up, and kinda threw a bomb at us, so I grabbed her-" he pointed to Miss Fortune, "-and dove out the window. And here we are."

Quinn stared blankly at him. "Um. Are you sure that's what happened?"

Ezreal slapped his forehead. "Surer than a guy who's really sure about something. More sure than that. Hey, I couldn't think of a good analogy on the spot, all right?!"

Quinn snorted in laughter. _Oh shoot, that was really loud. I need to stay cool here._ She cleared her throat. "In any case, it looks like we got her," she slapped Miss Fortune's stomach a couple times. "So let's bring her back up to the Quinn Cave, shall we?"

Ezreal squinted his eyes. "The what now?"

* * *

"Okay, before we do anything else, you need a much better name for this place than 'the Quinn Cave.'"

"Come on! It's a good name, okay!?" She blushed profusely.

Ezreal rubbed his chin in thought. "Something more birdy. Like, the Nest, or, the Den." He snapped his fingers. "I've got it. The Perch."

Quinn hit him smartly on the shoulder. "That's the worst name I've ever heard. And here I thought 'the Canopy' was bad."

"How about the Shoulder Pain?"

"Shut up."

Once more, Ezreal was able to demonstrate his superior knotting skills. Miss Fortune was tied up pretty darn good. Quinn's hideout was just as Ezreal remembered it, although he did spot a strangely familiar book resting on her bed. One of those books about his life, or something. He was reminded of the dozens of girls asking him to sign one of these things on a daily basis back at his hometown, and cringed. He didn't really want to know why she was reading it.

"Jeez, I'm impressed." Quinn crossed her arms and nodded her head in approval. Right at that moment, Miss Fortune stirred.

Ezreal and Quinn stood and watched for a few moments. "Do you uh," Ezreal inquired, "think she's gonna talk, orrr…" Miss Fortune was clearly awake, but was pretending to be asleep.

"Hey, lady," Quinn slapped her face lightly a few times to get her to react. "Ezreal here just saved your life, so I think you'd better thank the man." Miss Fortune finally opened her eyes, only to glare at Quinn coldly. She glanced over at Ezreal cooly, only to blush and look away.

Miss Fortune cleared her throat. After a moment, she remarked, "…Thanks. I guess."

Ezreal coughed abruptly and looked to the side. _Why did she have to say it like that?_ Quinn watched the two of them, and started to feel a little jelly. She cleared her throat and walked over to Miss Fortune.

"By order of Demacia, Miss Fortune, you are found guilty of serious crimes. These include, but are not limited to, kidnapping, deception with malicious intent, and human trafficking. I will bring you back to Demacia now, so that you can make up for these crimes in due process."

Ezreal leaned in close to Quinn awkwardly. She turned her head towards his.

"Are you gonna kiss her now?" He whispered.

"W-what?! No!" She pulled away sharply.

"Well, cause I thought, you said-"

"IDIOT!" She punched Ezreal so hard that he flew backwards through the window. "Oh… crap." A large WHUMP soon followed, with an accompanying groan of pain.

His voice floated in through the open window. "I'm okay! I think!"

* * *

Bard counted the gold coins in his hand. Twelve gold pieces. What could he buy with twelve gold pieces? A chocolate bar? _No, this isn't the time for that. I need to find someone here who can take me to Ezreal. But where could he be? I've already searched all of Piltover._

Bard strolled out of Piltover General Store with a fat chocolate bar in his hand. Tearing off a chunk with his teeth, he thought, _Hey wow, that's pretty good- oh gosh darn it! Now I only have two gold pieces left! How am I going to barter for transportation with two gold pieces?!_

A familiar face rolled up. It was the Donger himself, in a snazzy looking vintage car. "Hold on a second," he mused, tapping his fingers against the side of the car. "You're Ezreal's friend, right? Bard, was it?"

The insides of the car were padded with yellow leather. Heimerdinger's driving skills were on point, but he sped through the city so fast, you'd think he was late for his own funeral. _Wait, is that how the expression works? Eh, heck if I care._

"Speaking of which, where is the lad? I haven't seen him in eons."

Bard chimed in response.

"Don't know, huh? Would be nice if we did know, I'm quite fond of the lad, and wouldn't want to see him ending up in a museum anytime soon. I'm sure I could whip up some invention for you. The Ezreal Finder Device! No, that's not a good name for it." He lost himself in thought.

Heimerdinger's lab in Piltover was seriously decked out. The surface level looked normal enough, as it was a small house with two floors, but Heimy led Bard down into the basement, where he performed all of his experiments and crafted fantastic inventions.

"Been a while since I've stayed at the Institute. Thank Leona for summer vacation, right, old pal?"

The concept of time was slightly lost to Bard, but he nodded his head in response anyway. Chiming urgently, he pointed to his wrist.

"What is it? Does this have to do with Ezreal? Something urgent, eh? Is he in danger? By golly! We've got to do something about it! One second, if you will."

In reality, it was more like 352 seconds. The Donger stepped away from one of his workbenches and put his hands on his hips, beaming proudly. Bard peered over his shoulder at the contraption on the desk.

It was… a telephone. _A telephone?_

"You're probably thinking, why the telephone? Does this actually work? It's a bit smaller than the diagram, but it should play like a sweet, sweet fiddle. Sticks."

Bard picked up the receiver and activated the device. "I came up with a better name for the device, Bard ol' pal. I call it: the Ezreal Tracker Phone Home. Or, to shorten it a bit, the E. T. Phone Home."

… _I don't get it._

A young boy picked up Quinn's phone on the other end. "Eeeehhhhhello?" he asked. _It's Ezreal!_ thought Bard.

"By golly! It actually works! Let me put him on speaker. One moment please."

"Is that the Donger?" Ezreal asked excitedly. Bard chimed in response. "Bard! Holy Leona! I haven't spoken with you in ages! But how did you get Quinn's number, and how did you know I was here in Bilgewater?"

Heimerdinger shrugged his shoulders. "Simply put, we didn't. I created the device to track the specific energy readings from your gauntlet, and then wire to the closest telephone. If you didn't pick up, I'd know you're out exploring, and you're usually fine when exploring."

Ezreal rubbed his behind. _Those fish with the teeth certainly don't make me feel very fine._ "Yeah, I kinda got caught up in some events regarding the pirate queen Miss Fortune and a Demacian named Quinn in my attempts to find the artifact. Which I'm still not even close to finding. It's in Ionia, for Leona's sake! I need a better boat if I'm going to make it there in one piece."

Miss Fortune smiled at the name Ezreal had given her. It sounded cute coming from his lips. _The Pirate Queen. Yeeaahh..._

Heimerdinger laughed in response to Ezreal's agony. "Don't worry, ol' pal. I'll build us one of those light speed water cruisers with a built in mini fridge. Living life to the fullest."

Ezreal's mouth formed a wide O shape. "Are you serious?! How soon can you make it here?!"

Heimerdinger looked at his watch. "Hmm, about a week earliest. And, by the way Ezreal, did you say you were with Miss Fortune and Quinn?"

"That's right."

"Alone?"

"…"

"Old pal?"

A buzzing tone soon filled the air. Heimerdinger turned to Bard. "Did he just hang up on us?"

* * *

"Ohh yeah, Vi… Right there. That's the good stuff." Caitlyn moaned with pleasure.

"Listen, if you're going to ask me to apply muscle rub to your back, at least have the decency to not make it sound like I'm fondling your privates." Vi wiped the remaining cream off on her pants and stood up.

"So, Cait, have you found any leads yet?"

Caitlyn grinned widely. "I managed to track down that ex-boyfriend of yours, Jayce. He told me some stuff that's quite interesting. Quite interesting indeed."

Vi's face flushed red. "What?! What did he tell you?!" She grabbed the collars of Cait's shirt and pulled her into the air.

"Woah there, calm down, love. He's still scared pantless of you." Vi licked her lips at the thought.

"But seriously, you can put me down now." Vi let Cait go unceremoniously, and she staggered up from the floor and pretended like it was no big deal. "So apparently someone else visited your boyfriend Jayce, a certain Bard. Ring any bells?"

"More like, ring any chimes. Yeah, what about him?"

"Well Jayce told me he was in contact with Jinx a while back, and ended up throwing Bard's friend Ezreal under the bus. You know Ezreal right?"

"Oh yeah! He's that kid you were over crushing on when he first came to the League!"

Caitlyn punched Vi in the gut. "I was not 'crushing' on him!"

Vi couldn't hold back laughter. "You totally were, though! You followed him around and started writing down all his favorite foods and silly stuff like that-"

"SHUT UP! I do and did _not_ like Ezreal! Now listen, Jinx is going to be going after him, so we need to find him first and make sure that he's okay."

"Searching for da booty, huh? I see you, Cait." Vi winked cheekily at her.

"Never seen someone so eager to die."

* * *

Ezreal spent the following week scouting for some better food and practicing his marksman skills on some crabs by the water. Some weird giant frog creature bet him some pizza against Leona knows what, but he didn't really feel like eating anything that came from that guy, regardless of the fact that he was wearing a chef hat. In the meantime, Quinn tried to pull as much information from Miss Fortune as she could, but was having difficulty in doing so, as Miss Fortune would taunt Quinn about Ezreal. The boy quickly turned into the target of a competition between the two, with Miss Fortune's seductive gaze countered by Quinn's "accidental" physical contact with Ezreal's body. After a week of futile attempts to win his affection, the dude just couldn't handle it anymore. The sexual tension was just too high.

The end of the week was here, and Ezreal was cooking up some grub he bought from the market in Quinn's kitchen at her hideout. Entering the room, Quinn stumbled for the seventh time into Ezreal's arms, and he caught her with a grimace as his ladle flew out of his hand. "Hey, Quinn? Are you feeling all right? You're falling over more often than a Jenga tower."

Quinn blushed and held on tightly to Ezreal. "Yeah, I'm fine, just been feeling a bit dizzy lately." Her heart rate increased rapidly. _This could be my chance to secure a-_

"Oh, well in that case you should lie down." He carried her to her bed and threw her down. "Stay. Put. Rest. Good Quinn."

As soon as he left the room, he heard his name being called from the next room over.

Ezreal opened the door to find Miss Fortune tied down onto a bed. "W-what?! Miss Fortune?! How did you- I mean why are- I'm just gonna go-"

"No, wait! I need your help!"

Ezreal slammed his head against the door frame and sighed in resignation. "Fine. What is it?"

Miss Fortune wriggled in her bindings. "Quinn tied these a little too tightly. I need you to loosen them for me."

Ezreal looked away. "…Fine. But no funny business." He walked over to her bedside.

"The buckles are in the middle. It would be easiest if you got on top of me."

Ezreal's heart started pounding. _No way no way no way._

The puppy dog eyes were too powerful.

Ezreal didn't think the bonds were tied particularly tightly. Straddling Miss Fortune with his legs made his entire body stiffen. Miss Fortune was enjoying the show, but she decided to step it up a notch. Pulling her arms out from the straps, she quickly undid all the bindings, threw Ezreal down underneath her, and let her hair fall over his stunned face.

"Um, Miss Fortune? This business is starting to get a little funny."

She licked her lips in response. "That was the point. This pirate queen is on top." She threw Ezreal's scarf to the side and started to undo the buckles underneath his shirt.

The sweat poured down Ezreal's face in buckets. _Oh Leona, what did I ever do to deserve this-_

Quinn burst into the room. "MISS FORTUNE!" Ezreal was reminded of his ex-girlfriend, Lux. He winced at the thought.

Miss Fortune groaned. "Can't you just leave two lovers alone?" Quinn seethed with anger.

"Get your hands off my man!"

Miss Fortune laughed, then glared in response. "He's mine." She looked back at Ezreal beneath her.

Ezreal was gone.

"What the- Where'd he go?" The window curtains on the other side of the room fluttered in the breeze.

Quinn locked eyes with Miss Fortune. "Pain. Unimaginable pain."

* * *

Author's note:

It's been a while, but I'm back at it again with the Bard/Ezreal story action!

Also that feel when your friend reads your story and points out that Jinx actually has _blue_ hair instead of pink hair

I feel like such an idiot

Also if you haven't noticed I like to fill these stories chock full of random references

Like when Caitlyn says "Never seen someone so eager to die" that's from Fallout 4 from when Cait says "Never seen them so eager to die" which is funny since they both have the same name and ahahah funny joke very nice and cool kill me now


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight – The Mini Fridge

Bard stood at the bow of the cruiser with his arms extended out at his sides, letting the wind run through his flowing hair. The water underneath him rushed past, and the salt water spray was exhilarating. Heimerdinger shouted something from behind the massive, wooden wheel of the ship, but his voice was inaudible against the wind and water crashing violently upwards. Bard leaped over to him just as Heimy fell over, cursing loudly.

"Blast this water! Someone should really invent some waterproof water!" Bard stared at him blankly in response.

"In any case, we've been out at sea for a couple of days now. According to my calculations and my brand new Bard and Ezreal Best Friends Forever watch, we should be arriving in Bilgewater in about ten minutes.

Bard did a double take, chiming in confusion. Upon further inspection, the picture behind the arms of the watch was a terrible drawing of Ezreal riding atop of Bard's shoulders as they ran through a field of flowers. Bard slapped his forehead as Heimerdinger beamed. "Let's head inside the ship to the lounge, shall we?"

It was a medium sized ship, but Bard was still surprised at the size of the room below deck. Several couches were lined up against the wall, with a small kitchen at the other end of the room. A mini fridge sat directly in the middle of the room, isolated from everything else. Bard pointed to it and chimed questioningly.

"Oh, that? That's the mini fridge I mentioned to Ezreal earlier."

Bard put his hands on his hips, expecting more of an explanation. "That's really all there is to it, old pal. There're some beverages inside if you're thirsty."

Bard crept around the fridge in a wide radius before leaping onto one of the couches. The Donger sat down next to him, popping the cap off a cold root beer and sighing contently. "So tell me about this artifact Ezreal is supposedly looking for?"

Bard handed Heimerdinger some scrolls he kept tucked away in his garments. Heimerdinger scanned the documents rapidly, deciphering the information with calculated precision. Understanding dawned on his face the same way it had for Ezreal.

Heimy coughed and covered his mouth with his fist. "So. The lad's finally growing up, eh?" He chuckled as Bard slapped him on the head, causing him to fall off the couch and onto his face.

* * *

"That was too close. Way too close. Where are Bard and Heimy at though, anyway? Aren't they supposed to be here by now?"

Ezreal paced along the edge of the dock, scanning the horizon for any incoming ships. His episode with Miss Fortune and Quinn kept running through his mind, and he shivered at the thought of what would have happened if he hadn't gotten away. "Jeez, couldn't they have at least let me off for making them some better food? Quinn practically lives off of cup noodles!" He spotted a couple of strange looking figures further down the dock, and decided to check it out.

As he approached them, he was able to discern their identities. Sighing with relief, he jogged closer to them.

"Hey! _Hey_! You're Caitlyn and Vi, right? From Piltover? I'm Ezreal. You may have heard of me?"

The officers stopped their conversation mid-sentence and turned to look at him, their eyes wide. "Cait, isn't that…?" Vi pointed.

Caitlyn stepped towards him. "Listen, Ezreal, we need you to come with us." He raised an eyebrow in response.

"Well, I was actually going to ask if it was okay if I stayed with you guys for a little bit while my friends make their way over here, but why do you suddenly need me to go with you?"

Caitlyn put her hands on his shoulders. "There isn't much time to explain. You should know that your life is in danger, and it's our duty to protect you."

Ezreal stepped away, letting her hands drop. "Um, sorry to say, but I already know all this. And why do you care? It's not like this has anything to do with you. All I need is a little time before I can sail my way outta here."

Caitlyn looked to Vi anxiously. "I'm sorry to hear that, but you need to come with us, whether you like it or not."

Ezreal put up his hands and slowly moved backwards. "What are you trying to imply-" Vi's fist came down before he could finish his sentence.

* * *

 _Ugghhh… I feel sea sick. Hold on… Why would I feel sea sick if…_ Ezreal opened his eyes to find himself handcuffed to a bed in a small room with dim lighting. "Are you kidding me?! Come on!"

Low voices came from outside the door, so Ezreal pretended to be asleep as someone entered. The door shut behind them, and they slowly proceeded to cross the room and sit down on the edge of Ezreal's bed, but in a longer period of time than Ezreal expected, almost as if they were hesitant or internally conflicted about something.

"Ezzy…" The voice softly crooned. _Oh Leona why._

A hand ran over his forehead, sweeping his bangs to the side. He instinctively pulled back, then instantly regretted it. He opened his eyes to the sight of Caitlyn's long, dark hair falling over him. "You're finally awake, love." she purred. He could barely make out her facial features in the darkness, but she was biting her lower lip indecisively. _Woah. Hold on a second._ His pants grew tighter.

With wide eyes, he tried to keep his voice from shaking. "W-where… where are we?"

Caitlyn leaned into him, putting a finger to his lips. "On our way back to Piltover, probably. Don't worry," she added, cupping the side of his face. "You're completely safe now."

 _No I'm not!_ he screamed internally. "S-so why the cuffing?"

She slowly tugged at Ezreal's shirt. "Oh, that's just to make sure you don't try anything too _rash_." On the final word his shirt ripped in two, exposing his bare chest. He winced in response. _Aw man, I liked that shirt._

"Caitlyn, listen. You have to understand. I'm currently seeing someone." He tried to stop himself from giving in.

She tilted her head to the side in mock innocence. "Oh yeah? And who might that be?"

"I-it's Lux. You know? Garen's sister? You wouldn't want him on your case, would you?"

"Huh, that's funny. I was just speaking with Lux earlier. She was bawling her eyes out since she just broke up with someone. I wonder who that may have been…?" She smiled down at him, her eyes sparkling with malice.

 _Busted! Oh crap, gotta think, gotta think…_ "Oh, hahah. You see, there's a perfectly logical explanation for that. It's uh, it's…"

Caitlyn bit down on one of Ezreal's nipples.

"AUGH! Cait, please-" His voice was trembling. "You can't- I mean- Oaaaahhhh…" He moaned uncontrollably as Cait slowly swirled her tongue around it, puckering her lips and pulling away after grazing it with her teeth.

The door slid open. "Hey, Cait, one last thing. I was wondering if you knew where-" Vi stopped halfway through the doorway. Cait froze in place, a thick strand of drool connecting her lips to Ezreal's frame, which was only inches away from her hovering face.

"…"

She quickly wiped the saliva from her mouth. "Vi, it's not- It's not what it looks like."

"Oh. Yeah? Um. What _does_ it look like, Cait?" She slowly backed out of the room.

Ezreal reached out towards her. "No, Vi, please! Halp! Save me!" Vi couldn't help but smile.

"You've been in some sticky situations before, right Ezreal? I'm sure you can handle a delicate little lady."

"Vi, please! Vi!" he called out desperately.

She pulled back, her head sticking over the side of the doorframe. "Oh, Cait. I was _so_ right. You _are_ into him." Cait jumped up, pushing Vi away and slamming the door furiously. After a couple of seconds, she turned back to Ezreal.

"Now where were we?"

Her teeth flashed in the dim light. Ezreal screamed hysterically.

* * *

Bard chimed loudly as a ship raced past them. Heimerdinger eased up on the throttle, using a pair of binoculars to try and identify the speeding vessel. He pulled them away from his face. "Looks like a police cruiser from Piltover, old pal. Think this could mean anything?"

Bard rubbed his chin in thought. _Why would a ship from Piltover be in Bilgewater? Ezreal's from Piltover as well, and something about this just smells fishy. Might be worth checking out._ He pointed to the ship, chiming assertively. "Right you are, old pal." Heimy replied, rapidly spinning the wheel of the ship.

Heimerdinger pulled up to the side of the police cruiser. "It looks like they're not slowing down! You're going to have to jump on board from here!"

Bard laughed. Throwing his hands up, he summoned a large, golden circle from the sky, and it came down on both ships with a large peal. They instantly froze in place. Heimerdinger stared, stunned. "Oh. Or that."

Bard floated onto the deck of the other ship. Descending down into the cabin, he encountered a girl with large, mechanical fists blocking his path. She raised them in front of her.

"Who are you?!" she yelled.

Bard chimed.

"What does that mean?!"

Bard chimed.

"What?!"

Bard pushed her out of the way, and she fell to the floor with a cry. He continued down the corridor, and paused when he heard sounds coming from one of the rooms on his right. He decided to listen in before making a move.

"…like that, don't you?"

"N-not particularly…"

"Don't these just look _great_ on me, Ezzy?"

"Y-yeah. Hahah." He gulped loudly. "Wait, hold on, what are you-"

Throwing open the sliding door, Bard found Caitlyn straddling Ezreal as he struggled to pull away in vain. Caitlyn was wearing Ezreal's goggles on her head while trying to place hers over Ezreal, smothering his face with her chest in the process. No one said a word.

Caitlyn covered her chest with her arms as her face went bright red, regardless of the fact that she was still wearing a bra, much to Ezreal's relief. Bard threw a stripe of orange light at her, and she fell to Ezreal's side stunned, unable to move. Throwing Ezreal his gauntlet from a nearby table, Bard allowed Ezreal to break his handcuffs with a carefully placed mystic shot and pick the remains of his shirt off the ground. Throwing his arms around Bard, he released a sigh of relief.

"Thank Leona, dude. You got here just in the nick of time."

Bard patted Ezreal's head affectionately. They stared at each other, only to result in each of them blushing, as they both realized Ezreal was still shirtless. Suddenly, a large explosion from the deck rocked the boat to its side, and Bard and Ezreal tried to stay on their feet.

"What was that?!" Ezreal shouted.

Rushing out to the deck, they found a very confused looking Heimerdinger standing before a fire three times his height. He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

"Guess that experiment failed," he remarked.

"FAILED?! That's putting it lightly!" Ezreal chortled. "Oh, we should probably get out of here."

Bard chimed in alarm. Diving back down into the ship, he burst out onto deck a few moments later carrying the limp forms of Vi and Caitlyn. "Good thinking!" yelled Ezreal. "Let's get back to our ship now?"

Looking back, in the distance, the miniscule shape of Cait's and Vi's ship slowly crumbled under a swirl of orange flames, the only remaining trace of the ship ever having existed in the form of a wisp of smoke that slowly vanished. Ezreal wolf whistled.

"How'd you manage to do that, Heimy?"

"I was testing a new form of EMP that I thought would render the ship unable to function, but I guess I mixed up the labels with that of the Sudden Combustion Grenade. My bad."

"In any case…" Ezreal remarked. They turned to Vi and Cait lying unconscious on the floor beside them. "What are we gonna do with these two?" Heimerdinger wiggled his eyebrows at him as Ezreal put up his hands and backed away.

"YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG IDEA."

* * *

The night stretched on, and Ezreal continued to toss and turn in his bed, unable to sleep. Ever since the day's events, he doubted he would ever feel comfortable on the water again. He only felt slightly more at ease knowing that Caitlyn and Vi were bound in the next room over, which meant he would be able to sleep in peace. Bard's snores from further down the hallway droned on, and Heimy's mutterings in his sleep were barely audible. A crash of lighting lit up the room for a split second, so Ezreal got up to peer through the porthole for the next lighting strike. The thunder and rain was so loud that Ezreal didn't hear the door open behind him.

"Jeez, what a storm. I hope the ship can take it."

Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him back down into the bed. He let out a cry of surprise, trying to break free and face his assailant. Flicking on one of the nearby lamps, the face of Caitlyn lit up in the darkness as Ezreal stood beside the bed.

"Cait?! How did- But you were- Why are you-" He stopped when he noticed she wasn't moving, but was looking at him instead, quivering.

"Hey, are you okay? What's wrong?" A crack of lightning lit up the room accompanied by a large clap of thunder, and Caitlyn jumped forwards to grab onto him. She buried her face in his stomach.

"Woah there!" _She's afraid of lightning._ "You're gonna be fine. Everything's all right." He guided her down into the bed under the sheets, and she held the edge of the blanket so hard that her knuckles went white. "I'm going to turn off the light now, okay?" She looked at him with fear in her eyes.

The rush of darkness caused her to whimper, but Ezreal slid under the blanket to hold onto her hand and console her. She pushed herself into him instead, melting her body into his. "Ezreal…" she sobbed.

"Shhh… It's okay. You're all right. Deep breaths now."

 _Who is this girl? She's completely different from the Cait I knew earlier. I kinda like this better though. She's less thirsty._ He looked down at her silhouette, and she was snuggled against him tightly. He could feel her chest moving in and out with every breath. _Might as well try and make her comfortable._ Wrapping his arms around her, he blushed when she made a low sound in response, smiling. _Man, this kinda reminds me of Lux, back in the day. Might as well try some moves on her to see if I've still got it._

Ezreal slowly ran his hand over her head, caressing it lightly. He slid his other hand underneath her shirt to rub her back as well, and she moaned softly as he ran it up and down the length of her back. _I can't believe this is happening._ she thought, a mixture of distress and genuine affection coursing through her.

"Ezreal?" she asked.

"What is it?"

"Can I stay the night with you?'

He couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, of course. No funny business, though." She pursed her lips, trying not to laugh.

* * *

Bard leaned over the railing of the ship, staring up at the starry sky. The lighting had stopped, and the clouds had cleared up strangely fast. A splash of constellations reflected off the surface of the smooth water below, lighting up the world around him. It was at times like these that Bard couldn't help but feel a deep longing for Soraka's presence. He hadn't been gone for maybe more than two weeks, but he still missed the way she'd tell him some cheesy old saying about the stars and laugh, throwing back her head and clutching her stomach. He drifted over to the highest point on the ship, falling into a deep slumber underneath the sash of sparkling diamonds.

The sun peeked out from under the horizon, and Bard rolled onto his stomach, groaning. _Morning already? Guess I'll go check on Ezreal._

He knocked on Ezreal's door twice, chiming. Opening the door, he found Ezreal sprawled out on the bed with Caitlyn lying on top of him, her arms grabbing onto his shoulders. He quickly stirred and tried to wake Caitlyn, but it was too late. Bard and Ezreal stared at each other in silence.

"Oh uh… Hey Bard! What's up?" Bard gestured towards him and Caitlyn.

"Oh, yeah. I guess that's what's up." He looked down at her as she groaned and shifted even more onto him, running her hand over his bare chest and snuggling against him.

"…Ezreal… Babe… Just ten more minutes…"

Ezreal laughed sheepishly, grinning embarrassedly. "Is uh, that all right with you, Bard?"

Bard facepalmed, then turned to leave. Heimy's voice came from further down the hallway. "By golly! We're almost to Ionia!"

* * *

Author's note:

So for this chapter I thought I'd kick things up a notch with the shipping and some of the ship and shipping on a ship and shipping on multiple ships and man I just ship Ezreal and Caitlyn so hard and the only thing that'd make this more interesting is if there'd be a love triangle among them and someone else and ooh that may be an interesting idea

I'm noooottt reaaallly into writing lemons btw so I dunno if I'm gonna even go there because a. I've never written one before and 2. man that would be so awkward

So sorry if you were expecting one of those but this is about as RAUNCHY as it's gonna get lmao

Dude on a real note though like Cait when she's vulnerable like sweet Leona that's hot

Also just as a side note I am not condoning the actions of Caitlyn of forcing herself onto Ezreal

It's just that I can direct her actions through my writing so I know she's not gonna go very far with him

So don't

Don't even go there irl

Pls

(For you girls out there)

(Guys too I guess)

(Seek consent in every situation)

(Very nice and cool)


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine – I Can Sorta Relate

Vi rocked on her side and groaned, struggling to come to her senses. She was situated on a mattress in a simple room, but her wrists and ankles were bound. "Cait," she croaked, and consequently cleared her throat. But her partner was nowhere to be found. Lying a short distance away from her was a small bundle of ropes that had been hastily strewn on the floor, leading to the door. _Did she try and escape? Where would she go, though? And why wouldn't she untie me first? Never mind that now. I have to find her._

"Man, these ropes are tightly bound. Whoever did these did a good job. Too good of a job. This is the handiwork of someone from the League's knotting club."

After several minutes of squirming about, Vi decided it would probably be easier to search the room for something to get the ropes off of her instead. After blindly rummaging through a dresser and desk cupboard with great difficulty, she spotted a shiny object lying beneath the small pile of ropes. It was a letter opener.

"Bingo!"

* * *

"Come on, Ezzy. You know you want to. I can see it in your eyes."

"My eyes are saying no! Please, Cait, don't do this!"

The door to Ezreal's room burst open, and Vi stood in the doorway with one hand on the doorframe, her other hand on her stomach, panting hard. She locked eyes with Caitlyn.

Caitlyn was in the process of trying to get Ezreal to place his hands on her chest, and Ezreal had scooted up the bed so far that he was sitting upright against the headboard, frantically trying to push her back. Cait and Vi stared at each other in silence, Vi's mouth gaping.

"Cait! What in Ao Shin are you doing!? How did you get here?!"

"I… Used a letter opener to cut my bindings."

"I know that! I'm more concerned about why you're getting so intimate with _pretty boy_ over here!" Ezreal winced at the name. _Not cool, Vi. Not cool._

Caitlyn arched her back. "Vi, you don't understand. There was a lot of lightning, and you know how I get when-"

"But I've always been the one to comfort you when there's lightning!" Tears welled up in Vi's eyes.

"Vi, please, don't do this-" but she was already gone.

Caitlyn turned to Ezreal. "Don't look at me," he replied. "I wasn't the one who left my best friend to be with a man. Or, I guess woman, if it was me… Speaking of which, I should probably find Bard. It's been _way_ past ten minutes." He made a move to get up.

"Ezzy, please!" She tried to pull him back down.

"What?" he replied absentmindedly, throwing on a spare shirt and jeans. "You wanna grab some breakfast with us?"

"I'd rather just eat you up…" she remarked seductively, blushing at the thought. "Wait, where are you-" The door shut behind him. "Crumbs."

* * *

Vi ran through the hallway with her head down, desperately trying to keep in any tears. "Stupid Cait. Why'd she have to- OOF!"

She fell backwards onto the floor, and the lumbering figure of Bard chimed in surprise, reaching down to help her up. "Thanks…" she stammered, getting to her feet. "Is there a room around here I can use to spend some time alone?" Bard gestured towards the end of the hallway, and Vi followed him into a small, cozy bedroom.

Bard floated onto the bed as Vi fell backwards onto it, her hands covering her face.

"Uggghhh…" she moaned. Bard chimed questioningly. "Well, it's… You wouldn't understand. Cait and I, we've been friends for… a long time. But the moment we saw that Ezreal guy for the first time at the League, I've always noticed she had a major crush on him. I didn't really care until now, because it's starting to affect our relationship."

Bard chimed reassuringly. _Yeah, I can sorta relate to that. I haven't spent much time with Ezreal lately._

The explorer's head popped over the side of the doorway. "Hey, Bard! Wanna grab something to eat?"

 _Okay, I guess I can't really say I relate._ Vi sat up and glared at him. "I would've thought you'd eat breakfast with Cait." Ezreal tilted his head to the side. "Why would I do that? I always eat with Bard. In any case-" His head vanished.

"Bard! A little help?!" Ezreal called from down the hallway. Bard left the room to find Caitlyn dragging Ezreal by his feet, with him clawing at the walls in an attempt to stop sliding across the floor. Bard chimed loudly and threw up his hands, and Cait turned golden with a cry, subsequently frozen in place.

Ezreal got to his feet and patted down his pants. "Holy guacamole, Bard! What did you do to her?!" He tapped the side of her face. "Woah. She's kinda hot when she's golden. Like that one movie." Bard slapped his forehead, and his stomach growled unintentionally loudly. "That's right! We should get something to eat."

Vi walked past them and leaned back against the wall. "Is food the only thing you think about?"

"Bruh, who do you think I am, the Hungry Explorer?"

"Could've fooled me."

"Getting back to the situation at hand…" He turned towards Cait. "What are we gonna do about this? How long do you think it'd take for her to notice if I drew a mustache on her?"

Bard hit Ezreal lightly on the head. "Ow! Haha."

Vi smirked. "I actually like your thinking, kid. But how about we just grab some food without her."

Ezreal chuckled. "Who's the hungry one now?"

Vi uncapped a black marker. "Not me."

* * *

Boxes of cereal fell out of the cupboard and onto Heimerdinger's spongy hair with a crash, spilling cereal bits everywhere. "Flip flops!" he cried.

The three champions entered the room. "Donger, what up my Yordle?!" Ezreal shouted. He fist bumped Heimy and sat down at the table nearby. "So what's for breakfast?"

Bard sat down next to Ezreal as Heimerdinger and Vi prepared some food. Bard took this opportunity to recap previous events and plan out their next moves. Ezreal laid out the map he had (not) been using up until this point, and pointed to a small island on the upper right hand side.

"I really don't think this is necessary, but I guess we can consult a map. The scrolls you gave me indicated that we could find the artifact here, on Ionia, right? That's where Heimy's been taking us, anyway." Bard chimed affirmatively.

"The artifact itself is located on the highest point of the island, near one of the oldest temples of Ionia. However, no one has been able to find it, or no documented findings have been recovered, anyway. Who knows where it could be, but this is a good starting point. Or, _was_ a good starting point, if I hadn't been sidetracked by all this. By the way," He pointed accusingly at Vi. "Remind me again why you so graciously tied me up and let Cait force herself onto me?" The Donger spit out the milk he was drinking, eyes bulging.

Vi rubbed the back of her neck. "It's kind of a long story. Basically, my ex-boyfriend put you under the sights of a very dangerous girl by the name of Jinx, and we've been trying to capture her so I can get back with him."

"But… why would capturing her matter if you two wanted to be together?"

Vi turned her back to Ezreal. "It's complicated, okay?!"

Ezreal scratched his head. "Riiight… In any case, this Jinx woman already tried to kill me once, so I'm sure I could handle any other attempts on my life."

Vi swirled to face him. "She did?! Where?!"

Ezreal rubbed his chin. "On Miss Fortune's boat back in Bilgewater." She slammed her fist on the counter in response.

"Dang it! Where could she be now?"

Ezreal shrugged his shoulders. "Beats me."

Meanwhile, Bard was looking over Ezreal worriedly, inspecting him for any damage that may have been done. Ezreal laughed, patting his friend on the back. "I'm fine, really. I managed to get away before her explosives went off."

"Speaking of explosives," remarked Heimerdinger. "These Sugar Bits are the bomb!" He set down two bowls of cereal in front of Ezreal and Bard. "All right!" Ezreal cheered.

Vi cleared her throat. "Looks like there's some land out there." The rest of them hastily got up to peer through the window. Ionia was in sight.

Caitlyn burst into the room. "What happened?!" The others fell silent, trying to hold in their laughter. The mustache was too much.

* * *

"Watch it, watch it, hold it steady now, you're coming in too fast, too fast mang, way too-" The boat skidded against the side of the old, wooden dock. Ezreal winced, then held up his hand. "Okay Heimy, we've landed! You can turn off the engines now!"

Bard and Ezreal leaped over the side of the ship and landed on the half sunken dock. Ionia was certainly something to look at. The entire island was filled with foliage as far as the eye could see, and tops of oriental houses peeked over the canopies of luscious evergreens. Farther up the mountain, swirls of cherry blossom petals beckoned the young explorer and the wandering caretaker to explore the depths of the mysterious landscape. Ezreal could barely make out the outline of a temple at the upper region of the mountain. He pointed to it excitedly.

"That's it! The artifact is said to be there. Let's head on up, shall we?"

"Easier said than done…" grumbled Vi. Bard laughed and bounced up the mountain trail, with Ezreal arcane shifting behind him. Heimerdinger muttered something to himself, and Vi could see him crouched over some strange contraption. He noticed her watching.

"Oh, this? Simply a prototype for a flying contraption I just started working on. Just head on up without me, old pal."

"All right, whatever you say… Come on Cait, let's get going. Cait?" She spun around, but Caitlyn was nowhere to be seen.

"Ezreal, babe! Wait for me!"

"Oh…" Vi watched Caitlyn chase after Ezreal with a sigh, and a bad feeling rose in her stomach. She looked down at her mechanical fists. "I wonder if I can modify these to propel me to the top…?"

* * *

Bard and Ezreal stood before some of the biggest gates they've ever seen. "Wooaahhh…" Ezreal breathed. "If this is just the entrance, I can't wait to see what's inside."

The gates slowly parted, and the stone doors slid across the cobblestone path with ease. A figure appeared between the doors, his shadow thrown on the ground before him.

"Hold on a second… Aren't you…?"

The figure bowed. "My name is Master Yi. Welcome to Ionia's most sacred temple."

Ezreal stood motionless, his mouth open. "Bard. Hey, Bard. Do you know who this guy is?"

Bard chimed, shrugging his shoulders.

"It's Master Yi."

 _Didn't he just say that?_

"It is true. My name is Master Yi."

"Dude, it's Master Yi!"

 _Yeah, I got that._

"That is the name they call me, yes."

"Master Yi!"

 _Wait, what's his name again?_

"Master of the Yi!"

"If I am the master of myself, yes."

Bard chimed indignantly, pushing the two of them forwards and towards the temple. Behind them, Caitlyn had reached the top of the steps leading to the temple, and was gasping for breath as she crawled across the ground. "Ezreal… wait… for me…" The gates shut behind them with a clang. Suddenly, Vi rocketed over Caitlyn and over the temple wall with a scream, and Heimerdinger followed soon after in a small gyrocopter made from spare parts from the ship. Caitlyn got up and inspected her surroundings.

"Wait, how am I going to get in now?"

"I can let you in."

Caitlyn whirled to find a woman standing behind her. "What the-"

* * *

The Wuju Bladesman led Bard and Ezreal into a small seating area enclosed by various statues. He gestured for them to sit, and sat across from them on a large cushion.

"Now… What is it that you seek of me?"

Ezreal pulled some scrolls out of his shirt. "We were wondering if you had any leads on this artifact." He handed them to Master Yi, and he slowly started scanning the documents.

"I… have heard something of this artifact, yes. A few years ago, a disciple of mine tried to find this mysterious object, but was not able to recover it successfully. If humankind is not able to possess this item, then maybe it is an indication that humankind _should_ not possess it. Consider this a warning should you choose to seek it."

Ezreal got to his feet. "Thanks for the tip, Master. Who was this disciple of yours who tried to find it?"

Master Yi stroked his goatee. "I believe it was Irelia. You can find her in the complex situated west of here."

Ezreal bowed. "Thank you very much. And if it eases your conscience, my friend Bard here is a celestial being, so I'm pretty sure he can be trusted to handle this artifact. We're gonna go see Irelia now. Ciao!"

On the walk to the next complex, Bard and Ezreal met up with Heimerdinger and Vi. Heimy was looking over the smoking remains of what looked like a small helicopter, and Vi's hair was even more frazzled than usual. They jogged over to them.

"Hey! You guys all right? What happened?"

Vi tried to smooth her hair unsuccessfully. "Call it a failed experiment." she groaned. Heimerdinger chuckled.

Bard counted off. _One, two, three, four… aren't we missing someone?_ He nudged Ezreal. "What's up?" Bard pointed to each of them and held up four fingers. "Hmm… now that you mention it… Where's Caitlyn?" He looked over to Vi and Heimy, and they looked to each other and shrugged. "Beats us," Vi replied. Bard facepalmed.

The four of them reached Irelia's complex after some time of arguing amongst one another. She stepped out to greet them as they bickered about who had the responsibility of keeping track of Caitlyn.

"I'm just saying, you're her best friend, so _obviously_ you shouldn't be the one to lose her."

"Yeah, but she's been so attached to you lately that there's no way that you could have lost her!"

"Um… old pals?" Heimerdinger hit each of them over the head with a wrench. "We have someone waiting for us."

Irelia smiled. "Welcome! You must not be from around here. My name is Irelia. Is there anything I can help you with?"

Ezreal walked up to her. "Yeah, we've been trying to find this artifact for a while, and were told by Master Yi that you tried to find it at some point?" He pulled the scrolls out of his shirt and handed it to her.

It was only for a split second, but Bard couldn't help but shake the feeling that he saw Irelia's eyes darken moments after reading the scrolls. "Yes, this does look familiar." She gestured towards the temple. "Please, do come inside."

The others followed her in. "I'm very sorry for the inconvenience, but we were just preparing a welcoming ceremony for our newest initiate. Can this wait until after the event?"

"Um, sure! How long will it take?" Ezreal inquired.

"Only a few hours or so."

The inside of the temple was adorned with flowers and wreaths of all kinds. Banners stretched across the walls, and an altar sat at the far side of the room. "Woah," Vi breathed. "Would you look at this."

Ezreal nudged Bard lightly. "Hey, Bard," He kept his voice low. "I dunno about you, but I have a weird feeling about this. Stay on your toes."

Irelia led them to the altar, and gestured at a goblet in a basin of clear liquid. "This is the first of many rituals for our newest initiates. The act of drinking from the goblet signifies the cleansing of body and spirit. Did I mention," She spun to face them. "Anyone can join us here at the temple. If you feel so inclined, do not hesitate to let us know."

Ezreal waved his hand dismissively. "I don't think we will, but if we feel like joining, we'll be sure to let you know, thanks."

"Ah! Please, let me introduce you to one of our most respected members." Irelia stepped to the side as a woman came up beside her. "This is Karma, an old friend of mine."

Karma extended her hand. "How do you do?" Bard returned the handshake. "Fine, thanks." Ezreal replied for him, over Bard's chimes.

"In any case," Vi asked. "Who's this newest initiate of yours?"

Karma put her hands together. "Perfect timing! Irelia, I was just about to tell you that she's ready for the first ritual."

Irelia laughed. "Great! Bring her out, then."

The curtains behind the altar swept to the side, and from behind them emerged…

"CAITLYN?!"

* * *

Author's note:

Okay whoops I uploaded this chapter a little too fast and forgot to add line breaks

Also sorry for not posting in a while lmao it's just that I've gotten a little lazy and couldn't really think of anything to write about, but I have a really good idea of where the story is going now, so no worries, it's all good

I should be able to end this story arc pretty soon actually, so here's hoping I can write it next weekend lol

And for those of you actually following this story, thanks a lot! I'm always glad to hear that someone's actually enjoying this stuff lmao because I didn't really think this would go anywhere but it sorta did and in any case yeah lol okay


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten – The Artifact

Ezreal froze in place, chills running down his spine. "C-Cait…lyn?" His fingers trembled at his side. _But… why would she be here? What is she doing?_ He reached out to her slowly. "Hey, Cait… what are you doing?"

She locked eyes with him, but her eyes were cold, lifeless. "I'm going to join them."

Vi stepped forward forcefully. "Cait! What are you talking about?! You're with us!" Caitlyn shook her head in disagreement.

Karma draped her arm around Caitlyn's neck and smiled, flashing a peace sign.

"No but," Ezreal rubbed the back of his neck. "even then, it doesn't make sense. Why would she just straight up betray us like this…?"

Irelia stepped between them. "Please. We're about to begin. If you have anything to say, it will have to wait until after the initiation ritual."

Vi clamped her fists together. "No, it won't. Cait, think about what you're about to do. Are you just gonna leave us?! What about Ezreal?!" She pointed a finger at him. "What about us?!" She put her hand over her chest, trying hard not to cry. "…What about us...?"

Caitlyn pulled away from Karma, but her facial expression didn't change. "I've already decided to do this, Vi. You can't stop me."

A single tear rolled down Vi's cheek. "Don't think I can't!" She propelled towards Cait with her mechanical hands open. Karma and Irelia readied their fighting stances, ready to stop her by blade or magic. Bard and Ezreal yelled in confusion, arms outstretched.

At that exact moment, the room burst into flame. Ezreal and Bard were thrown backwards against the wall, screaming and groaning in pain. Ezreal propped himself up on his elbow and grimaced, reaching out towards his friend.

"…Bard," he coughed. "Hey, Bard, you all right?" Bard rolled onto his back, chiming the affirmative and holding a thumbs up. "Phew. What the heck just happened? And where's Heimy?" He scanned the room as debris fell. An evil laugh from above made him shudder. "No… You've gotta be kidding me…"

A girl with large twin braids sneered from the rafters. Looking down at Ezreal's stunned expression, she stuck her tongue out at him. As the dust settled, Bard could see the girls recovering on the other side of the room. They seemed just as confused as they were, but he noticed Vi's and Caitlyn's expressions change.

Jinx shifted the weight of her rocket from one shoulder to the other. "I'll take care of you in a second, pretty boy," She winked at Ezreal. "but I gotta get rid of these pests first." She took aim at the girls.

"NO! STOP!"

Ezreal was helpless to stop the missile from launching towards the other side of the room. "BARD! DO SOMETHING!" Bard threw up his hands, and the four girls turned golden with a cry. After the smoke from the missile had dissipated, Ezreal and Bard breathed sighs of relief when they saw no one was hurt. Jinx reeled towards them angrily. "How did you do that?!" she screeched. Ezreal laughed and patted Bard on the back. "We've got some tricks up our sleeve."

Jinx hissed. "Don't think this isn't over!" Jumping on her shark rocket, she blasted off, punching a hole through the roof. Ezreal watched her take off, dumbfounded. "What… just happened? And who's going to pay for those repairs?" He spotted a patch of yellow under some rubble. "Heimy!" He crawled over to him and pulled him out by his hair, but Heimerdinger's eyes were swirls. Ezreal and Bard slapped his face repeatedly. "Come on, stay with us!" Heimerdinger groaned in response. "Thank Leona, dude." Ezreal breathed.

Bard tapped Ezreal's shoulder. "What's up?" Ezreal turned to see Irelia lunging towards him. "HOLY GUACAMOLE-"

She promptly knocked him out with one punch. Bard chimed indignantly, leaning over his friend protectively. Bard could spot Vi lying on the ground beneath Caitlyn's feet, unconscious, as Karma walked over to him, shrugging nonchalantly. The last thing he saw was Irelia's raised blade, the hilt coming down fast.

* * *

The darkness was blinding. Ezreal struggled to regain his senses, waving his hands in front of his face. _Am I awake? Why can't I see anything?_ "Bard…" he croaked, and rolled off a concrete bed onto the floor. "Bruh!" he cried out. Bard chimed worriedly from somewhere off to his left. A few moments later, Ezreal could make out Bard's glowing instrument hovering above him. He propped himself up on his elbows. "Thank goodness I'm not blind!" he laughed. "…But dude, where are we."

The glow from Bard's instrument was faint, but they could make out the walls of the stone room. "No, that doesn't make sense… Do you see a door anywhere?" The explorer started groping the walls. "Maybe a hidden switch, or… But it'd have to be on the other side. Unless…" Both he and Bard slowly looked up. A metal grate covered a small opening above them. "Bruhhh!" Ezreal yelled. "Where's the counterplay?! Hey, can you magical journey upwards or…" Bard shook his head. "Bruh, I can't arcane shift upwards either!" They locked eyes with each other in silence, then broke down laughing. "Man! We really are useless, huh?!" Bard broke down on the floor, and Ezreal clutched his stomach in an effort to breathe. Ezreal wiped a tear from his eye. "Hahah… Okay… Let's stop and think here for a minute. Hold on, the scrolls…" He pulled the wrinkled scrolls from his jacked, and sighed in relief. "At least they didn't get these."

Bard spent some time contemplating their situation. It appeared as if Bard and Ezreal were now prisoners of Irelia's weird cult, and Vi and Heimerdinger were nowhere to be seen. He could only assume Caitlyn was now one of them, and that she couldn't be trusted. But it was still baffling how she could just switch sides so easily. Ezreal interrupted his thoughts with his own musings.

"…Man, this is just like that time I gave that corrupted artifact to Lux, remember? And then Soraka came at us with a knife! Ahh, good times. Wait!" He put his arm out. "You hear that…?"

The sound of heels clicking against the floor grew closer. Ezreal grabbed onto Bard tightly. "Bard, if anything happens to us, I just want you to know that you're the best friend I ever had, and nothing will change that." Bard patted his head tenderly. The footsteps came to a halt directly above them, and a face peered through the grate.

"Hello, boys."

"…"

"…Of all people, why did it have to be Miss Fortune?!"

* * *

Vi groaned and struggled to regain consciousness. She could hear murmurs around her, but none of the voices were distinct enough for her to make out. She quickly realized her wrists and ankles were in shackles, and the sound of her chains clanking caused the voices to stop suddenly.

"So, you have finally awoken." Irelia stepped forth into the candlelight. "Perfect, we may begin."

Vi gritted her teeth trying to break loose of her bounds. "Irelia! Where am I?! What did you do with my friends?!"

Irelia chuckled and stroked her hair. "If I were you, I would be more worried about yourself, rather than think of your friends. Then again, you'll be quite content after you join us."

"Join you?! Why would I even consider doing something like that?!"

"Because…" Irelia leaned into Vi's face. "You don't have to." She pulled a glowing object out of her bag, and Vi gasped in response.

"That thing! It couldn't be…"

Irelia threw her head back in maniacal laugher. "Of course! What else could it be? _The artifact._ Your friend Caitlyn has already seen its power, and the results are quite satisfactory." Caitlyn stepped forward with Karma, smiling softly. Behind them, silhouettes of about a dozen figures were a blur.

"You'll never turn me into one of you." Vi's eyes burned into Irelia's.

Irelia stroked the artifact gently, her eyes flashing in the darkness. "We'll see about that."

* * *

Ezreal and Bard crept along the side of the corridor, careful not to make any noise. Miss Fortune strutted past them, her guns slung over her shoulder.

"Listen, Miss Fortune, I appreciate you busting us out of there, but could you PLEASE keep it down?! What if we get caught?!"

Miss Fortune chuckled. "By who? Flying toothpicks and her whimsical minion? I think we can handle it."

Ezreal waved his hand dismissively. "Nahnahnah, you're forgetting about Caitlyn. And who knows what happened to Heimy and Vi? They could've been brainwashed too. I don't even want to think about being in Caitlyn's sights. Literal, not figurative. I've already been in her sights for a long time, I guess."

Miss Fortune licked her lips absentmindedly. "Too bad she's not gonna win…" She murmured.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, dear. Now, let's see about getting out of here."

Ezreal stepped out in front of her. "Not so fast. We gotta find our friends first. Luckily for us, we've got a top-notch explorer in our company! And that explorer is me! I can track 'em down like nobody's business."

Miss Fortune smiled, amused. "Okay, 'top notch explorer,' which way do we go?"

Ezreal licked his finger and stuck it in the air. "Hmm… This way." Bard tilted his head in confusion. _Aren't we inside? There's no wind here. Ah, well, no point in arguing with a professional._

"This way." Ezreal motioned. The three of them snuck down the hallway as quietly as possible, save for Miss Fortune, and came to a stop at a door.

"Okay, get ready for anything. I'm gonna open the door." He pushed it open slowly, but there were no lights on inside. He flicked the light switch, and the light illuminated a medium sized study, packed to the brim with books and scrolls. "Nice." Ezreal commented. "Let's see if we can find any information on this place."

Miss Fortune pointed to an open scroll on a desk positioned at the far side of the room. "Looks like a map." Ezreal spun towards her, eyes bulging. Bard put an arm on Ezreal's shoulder, holding him back. Bard made a hand motion in front of his neck, motioning for her to drop the subject. _He's triggered!_

A journal also lay open on the desk. Ezreal flipped through the pages rapidly, scanning the pages for anything useful. He moved his finger along the lines, and suddenly came to a stop. "No way…" He breathed, letting the journal slip from his fingers. "Bard. Master Yi wasn't telling the complete truth. When Irelia went to go find the artifact, she didn't exactly fail-"

At that moment, a figure burst through the door and unleashed a powerful burst of magic. Bard only had a second to grab Ezreal and Miss Fortune and dive out of the way. After a painful landing, Ezreal could see Karma standing over them. "Well well well. Look what we have here."

Bard got to his feet and struck a kung fu pose. "Yeah, get her, Bard!" Ezreal cheered.

To the untrained eye, the ensuing battle would only appear to be a blur of motion. In reality, Bard and Karma's magic clashed so strongly that bursts of energy engulfed the room in a brilliant splash of light. Books and scrolls flew through the air, and Ezreal and Miss Fortune had to duck to avoid being hit.

"This is taking too long!" Miss Fortune yelled over the noise. She took aim with one of her pistols and let out a definitive shot. Moments later, Karma's limp body hit the floor with a thud.

Ezreal stood dumbfounded. "You killed her…?" Miss Fortune scoffed. "As if. I'm sure her magic protected her." He scampered over to her body and checked for a pulse. His eyes grew wide. "Miss Fortune! I'm not getting anything!"

Miss Fortune stared at him in silence.

"Nah, I'm just kidding. Totally got you! Hahahah-" Miss Fortune smacked him on the head with the butt of her pistol.

"That's for lying to me."

Ezreal rubbed his head and smiled cheekily. "Yeah, I'm sorry about tha-"

Miss Fortune pulled him in and kissed him firmly. She pulled away and winked. "And that's for being so gosh darn cute." Ezreal and Bard's faces turned red. "Ooohh uh… just… don't do that again please?" Ezreal stammered, flabbergasted.

* * *

"Now, look deep into my eyes."

"No, I don't… want to!" Vi struggled to look away, but the artifact's power was too alluring.

"You will do what I say."

"Uhhhnnn…"

"You will obey my every command."

"Cait… help… me…" Vi called out, but Cait stood motionless behind Irelia.

Vi's body slumped, and she hung motionless, suspended by her shackles. Irelia stepped forward, stroking Vi's hair. She stirred, and slowly looked up into Irelia's eyes.

"Yes, Master Irelia."

* * *

"This looks like another prison cell. Be on guard."

Ezreal, Bard, and Miss Fortune crouched next to a steel door. "Oh yeah," Ezreal mused. "How did you open the door to our cell, Miss Fortune?"

She laughed. "Like this!"

The door handle snapped off, and the bullet that knocked it off ricocheted throughout the hallway. "Miss Fortune!" Ezreal yelled. She blew the smoke off her gun cooly, and looked at him. "What? It worked, didn't it?" Ezreal and Bard both facepalmed simultaneously.

"Okay, here we go." Ezreal carefully pushed the door open, and he spotted similar metal grate in the middle of the room. He made a motion to keep silent, then crawled over to it. His eyes peered over the side of the grate, and a small Yordle looked up at him. "Heimy! You're alive!" Ezreal exclaimed. "Lemme get you out of there, buddy!"

After pulling him out of his cell, Heimerdinger brushed himself off, and readjusted his glasses. "Excuse me if I'm wrong old pal, but isn't that the wanted criminal pirate Miss Fortune?"

"Uhh, yeah. It is. But it's okay! She helped me and Bard escape, so she's on our side." He looked over to her, and she smiled with a hint of malice. "Uhh… For now. I guess. Right?"

Bard made a circular motion with his hand. "Oh yeah, you're right! Now that we've found everyone important-" Heimerdinger interrupted with a sharp cough. "…to the mission, we can focus on getting our hands on that artifact!" Ezreal explained. "Then we can see to saving Vi and Caitlyn and getting the heck out of here. Sound good?"

"Well according to this map, the central chamber should be right around here." Miss Fortune commented, holding up the map from the other room.

"MAP?!" Ezreal shrieked.

* * *

"Okay, keep your voices down. I'm gonna do a little recon work and see what exactly we have in store for us up ahead. I repeat, do not make any noise. That means you, Miss Fortune." She swept a hand through her hair in response. "Wish me luck, dudes." Bard fist bumped Ezreal, and he was gone.

Ezreal scanned the room as best as he could through the darkness. The ritual chamber was really creepy, since the only light came from the candles in the middle of the room, and it threw shadows of bindings on the walls. He could see Vi and Irelia, and some weird looking cloaked figures, but no sign of Caitlyn.

Suddenly, an arm wrapped itself firmly around his neck and choked the air out of him. He struggled to pry himself loose, or even to breath, but whoever it was had superhuman strength. Long brown hair fell over his face, and he started to lose his grip on the arm choking him. His assailant dragged him forward towards the center of the room.

Irelia looked over to them. "Ah, I see we have an unexpected visitor. Nicely done, Caitlyn." Caitlyn released Ezreal, and he fell onto the floor, coughing loudly.

"Bro."

"Is that all you have to say?"

He shrugged. "Pretty much."

Irelia stared at him blankly. "Fair enough. I was planning on holding you hostage, but I guess you don't even have parents who would come looking for you, let alone friends." He pretended like her comment didn't hurt. "Ah, well. Since you're so interested in artifacts, _explorer_ , I'll let you have a little taste." She held the artifact out in front of him.

"Are you kidding me?" Ezreal sighed.

* * *

Author's note:

Yeah...

Yeah...


End file.
